TL;DR: I'm a mess right now. Can't even make sense of stuff.
I'm cutting emotional ties with people and certain things. I feel like in the last two years I've cut out more and more people. It hurts--no lie, but I think I need to save myself before I can help someone else. This is difficult.
The imperative is to cleanse. I didn't think I had this much junk in my life, and the more I dig, the more I realize "wow, I suck". My hope is that I remember and realize that all I have and am is by God's grace.
I feel like asking "what now, God?" because I'm literally being stripped of everything. There is so much time I would have used for x, y, z, etc; and now it's open schedule. The hardest thing, actually, is filling that time with something wholesome.
I feel sorely lacking compared to last year. But I think its cause I let myself get lax in being vigilant that things God cleared out of my life started to creep back, or that I didn't fully give stuff away.
It may be a whole host of other things.
I'm just rambling now.