Friday, January 31, 2014

Ruminations of the week

On Monday I took my first Introduction to Drama class, and it was wonderful! Ever since I jumped on the Tom Hiddleston bandwagon--I'm not ashamed!--I grew even more curious of acting. I think it's the way he explains his process that makes sense to me. He approaches his roles by building a psychological map--creating a background--for his character, and it is intriguing and not nearly as scary as method acting. As a psych major, all I can say is "YES!" (Note: precisely why I love Cillian Murphy, but that's for another time.)

Digressing, Hiddleston is not the main reason why I'm taking the class. It was thanks to my speech professor in St. John's University. I had opted to perform my speech out of classroom, face to face instead of in front of the class. I had a serious case of stage fright. I now realize it was deep insecurity, and the inability to trust my own voice. I think I'm still horrible at public speaking, even though I had to take another speech class here at Harvard. But I am more confident in myself and have a different approach to life, more on this in a little bit. So, its really thanks to that professor who suggested I take acting to "get out of my shell". He was also the one who told me of my "melodious voice". I think I sound like a child, though I'm not nearly as "young" sounding as Yoo In Na, God bless her.

I must admit that I am a spectator and like to observe. It was (again) thanks to one of the leaflets that my Pastor puts in our Sunday programs that I have slowly began to change my mind. Okay, no. It's a few factors. The first would be Hiddleston quoting something French and translating it to "We all have two lives. The second one begins when we realize that we only have one." (He's not the originator of the quote, but he translated so I'm citing that--ugh, citations!) The second would be my Psychology of Resilience class, where one of the characteristics of a highly resilient individual, also a coping mechanism, is to engage the environment (wait, I may have this wrong. Its a bit fuzzy in my brain.) Thirdly, it was the leaflet in my church's program that says "Life is not a spectator sport (Join in)". I'm sure the first half of that quote was from someone else, but the "join in" part resonates. 

The bottom line is that I don't want to spend my life observing. I'm cerebral, yes. I'm introverted, in that, I like my alone time and sometimes find social gatherings taxing. I remember my parent's 25th Anniversary party, I snuck away from the hall for an hour, literally sitting by myself, and then joined by my aunt, to get away from the noise. I don't do well in crowds of more than five people. But I was trained by my father to schmooze at a young age and I can do it very well. I have held myself back from doing "fun" things because I was too engrossed by observing. I mean, why can't I do both? Well, now I am. 

One thing I am trying to rectify within myself is something my Drama Prof mentioned. He said something along the lines of "there is no such thing as multi-tasking...its actually trying to shift focus quickly." I can agree with what he said because I have believed for some time that one can't have a "balanced life/schedule". Perfect time management and a "perfect schedule" is a myth. Life is weighted, just like grades, oddly enough. Spending time with family should mean more than spending time fixing the car. The meaning of the time spent cannot equal each other--rephrase, it all can't be equally important, which is why the whole "balancing time" is a lie, at least to me. 

Focus, right. So lately I feel like I've undertaken some immense things, like painting, writing, and (pleasure) reading. I am have all these things I want to do, too. I want to get rollerblades and a bike. Hopefully, I can hike as well. I just want to live. 

Yeah, I want to live.

This morning I told my sister that our central passion is what defines us. For me, its my spirituality--my faith in Jesus. I know that my education, my capacity to work or have a career, and everything else is superfluous. All the knowledge and acquired skill sets are actually not for me but for the higher calling to serve like Jesus did. I'm not greedy then, when I say that the next step is to go to Oxford (though I've got a nagging feeling it'll be Cambridge, sigh) because whatever I learn there I will hand down to those I mentor. Its my act of reasonable service to myself, my family, my community, and humanity. This is how I translate my faith. 

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