I arrived at church late. It was half way into Worship when I settled in a seat. The first few songs I sang distractedly. Many thoughts were in mind.
There was this moment, where I repented for not focusing--for not being present. All of a sudden, I was able to worship. A great load came out of my mind and heart. It was freeing as well.
However, there was this other moment where I grew honest and scared. I realized that my life, in the grander scheme of things, is truly fleeting. I began to cry earnestly. I felt like, 'God, I've wasted so much time'. Also, thereafter that thought, 'what are the next 10, 20, 30 years if not but a bat of the eye.'
I remembered a sermon about Mary Magdalene who brought the Alabaster jar and anointed Christ's feet. Some scholars say that this jar with precious oils, costing much, was a nest-egg of sorts. She could have tucked it away for her future to sell or for her burial. But basically, it meant that she was giving her future--unknown, undefined, costly, and laying it at the feet of Jesus.
Amazingly, Jesus says to her detractors that her deed will forever be recorded wherever the Gospel is preached. So, in laying down her nest-egg, the only valuable tangible representation of her future at His feet, she gained so much more. Where she laid to rest her personal gain and glory at his feet, she, all of a sudden, is forever part of the glory and redemption of the Gospel.
I'm still ruminating what that means for me.