My Body

When I woke up yesterday, I immediately thought of places to go and eat. Nice fancy places. But as I lay in bed and recounted the stuff I wanted to accomplish this year and --gasp!-- into my 30's I was like, "Nah, I'm going to climb some shiii!"

Climb I did.

There's a Brooklyn Boulders (Queensbridge location) on my commute to Evangel. At least on my subway (and walking) commute. I've really wanted to go since discovering it.

I've climbed rock walls before, a 35-foot wall with harness, and a few 5-foot walls bouldering, so it wasn't too new. But that was in my teens and early 20's. My physical and mental strength have changed.

As a kid, I didn't take care of my body, eating junk food--American and Filipino, and drinking soda to excess. I remember eating nothing but Watermelon Airheads one summer. That was stupid and dangerous, I realize now. I wasn't any better as a teen, I was sleep deprived 80%, cranky, and emotionally unstable. I had an eating disorder as well. I'd eat and eat and get it out...

I resolved to be kinder to my body in my 20's. That I did. I established a better relationship with sleep, food, and body.

People often say that the body "heads south" starting 30. That may be true, but I think that it's a good challenge to take up and maintain. I feel like I'm finally in this headspace where I am kind to my body. I don't want to keep abusing it because eventually, it won't be mine, well, not really.

Eventually, it will hold another life (or lives?) and will be a guardian and nourishment for these lives.

How does bouldering factor into it? Well, it's a novel experience. It's proof that my mind and body are stronger now. It's not where I want it to be, but small victories count.

I've got a vision for where I want to be as a person. I'm loving this little adventure already.



2 Corinthians 5:17

Nah, I'm Good.

This morning, as I was on the bus to work, I was looking for tickets for my summer travel. I thought about visiting an old "friend". This friend and I had been in sporadic correspondence in the last ten years. Often, conversations are loaded or empty; there's no in between. Which is unfortunate because this person is brilliant in their own right-- we just can't end a conversation without some kind of emotional twist. Whatever.

Anyway, a quick thought flit through my mind: "I should visit". So engrossed was I in this endeavor that I was really ready to book my bus tickets. However--HOWEVER!--all of a sudden something clicked in mind.

"I'm good right here. Here and now... I am really good."

Perhaps this relationship just ends into nothingness. I'm totally okay with that.


On to other things, I haven't felt as light as I do today, in weeks. And quite possibly, months. Something just lifted yesterday evening. I feel so light.

Thank God for His mercy and grace. I feel so at peace when everything is so unsure.

Proverbs 3:5

Slow Living - The Lie of the Rat-Race

Today, I was able to meet up with an old friend. I had not interacted with her for more than a decade. We enjoyed bunch at Qdoba, and talked about our respective businesses. I had a nice time.

Thus far in the recent re-direction of my life, I am enjoying the "free-er" time that I have. It is the opposite of when I worked for someone else, where I would be so tired I'd "nap" (ie sleep!) after I got home. However, I also attribute my increased energy to the shake and vitamins I've been taking for my turnaround. After the nap, I went to church. Happy times!

Digressing, I love the slower life style I have right now, and to be honest, I've always admired my friend Susie who runs the blog Oreeko (Oreeko on FB). She runs a blog and directory (!!!) on slow living. I always thought it was lovely to live that way.

Slow living, I think is great because one lives intentionally. Time is yours. The lie of the rat race is that the things on your list must be accomplished, but really, things take time!

Another tangent: that's why I love Dominique Ansel so much. I love the concept of the Dominique Ansel Kitchen [where] "Time is an ingredient"

Here's a few things I've learned: There are things one should not force. (Certain) Big decisions take time. Life is to be enjoyed. There's no point to being miserable with something you can change. Living the life you want takes courage and sacrifices.

I hope that from here on out, I live intentionally. That I use my time wisely. I am accountable, right?

Psalm 90:12

Unfolding Destiny

At present, if I take stock of what I see and feel, it would be unsurety and disquiet. Nothing is going as I had hoped, and I almost feel as though I am stuck in limbo, which for me, is the worst place. The next step I am supposed to take is far off yet, but close enough, which is frustrating because it's part of a barebones plan/outline/guideline, but details aren't filled in. I can't just twiddle my thumbs...

Thankfully, I know my God and his voice, and that is enough confidence and easement I need. I don't need to be anxious or afraid of my future, because [He] know the plans [he] has for me...plans to prosper and not to harm [me], plans for hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I know that He is my sustainer (Psalm 40:11), my guide (John 16:13), compass (Psalm 16:11), and counselor (Psalm 55:22); my maker (Psalm 103:11), father (Psalm 56:8-9), perfecter (Psalm 139:23-24), and my shelter (Psalm 23:6), bastion (Psalm 46:2-3), and protector (Psalm 3:3). He is my salvation (Acts 4:12) and deliverer (1 Thessalonians 1:10). He is my constant companion (Psalm 73:23-24). He is my wealth (Psalm 4:7-8), hope (Psalm 42:5) I know I can laugh about the future and the days to come (Proverbs 31:25), I have victory (1 Corinthians 15:57)! 

Feelings and thoughts can be set aside. It is the byproduct of using the senses. Faith needs to be concrete--realer than real. This is why I need not worry about tomorrow. All I must do is walk out today with Him. 

My destiny is certain, as it is big. I have caught the vision for it, and I know that I don't have enough strength, skill, or talent on my own to bring it to completion or perfection, but I know who does... my God. 

So this is just a brain dump to remind myself that my imperfection, failings and weaknesses are good--they're great!--because in these He is strong, able, and perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). I've got plans and options, but His will and way takes preeminence.

Thank you Lord for you sit on your throne, immoveable by my circumstances; that you rejoice over me, and uphold me. There is no lack in You. There is no missing You--You make Your presence known to those who seek You. You've given me choices and the mind to accept or reject, but in my choices may it be Your will that is done. In the end, all I want to hear is "well done, faithful one". Lord, whatever  I don't know, please teach me; whatever I do not have, please give it, and whatever I am not, please make me in your Son's mighty name. Amen.