My Body

When I woke up yesterday, I immediately thought of places to go and eat. Nice fancy places. But as I lay in bed and recounted the stuff I wanted to accomplish this year and --gasp!-- into my 30's I was like, "Nah, I'm going to climb some shiii!"

Climb I did.

There's a Brooklyn Boulders (Queensbridge location) on my commute to Evangel. At least on my subway (and walking) commute. I've really wanted to go since discovering it.

I've climbed rock walls before, a 35-foot wall with harness, and a few 5-foot walls bouldering, so it wasn't too new. But that was in my teens and early 20's. My physical and mental strength have changed.

As a kid, I didn't take care of my body, eating junk food--American and Filipino, and drinking soda to excess. I remember eating nothing but Watermelon Airheads one summer. That was stupid and dangerous, I realize now. I wasn't any better as a teen, I was sleep deprived 80%, cranky, and emotionally unstable. I had an eating disorder as well. I'd eat and eat and get it out...

I resolved to be kinder to my body in my 20's. That I did. I established a better relationship with sleep, food, and body.

People often say that the body "heads south" starting 30. That may be true, but I think that it's a good challenge to take up and maintain. I feel like I'm finally in this headspace where I am kind to my body. I don't want to keep abusing it because eventually, it won't be mine, well, not really.

Eventually, it will hold another life (or lives?) and will be a guardian and nourishment for these lives.

How does bouldering factor into it? Well, it's a novel experience. It's proof that my mind and body are stronger now. It's not where I want it to be, but small victories count.

I've got a vision for where I want to be as a person. I'm loving this little adventure already.



2 Corinthians 5:17

Nah, I'm Good.

This morning, as I was on the bus to work, I was looking for tickets for my summer travel. I thought about visiting an old "friend". This friend and I had been in sporadic correspondence in the last ten years. Often, conversations are loaded or empty; there's no in between. Which is unfortunate because this person is brilliant in their own right-- we just can't end a conversation without some kind of emotional twist. Whatever.

Anyway, a quick thought flit through my mind: "I should visit". So engrossed was I in this endeavor that I was really ready to book my bus tickets. However--HOWEVER!--all of a sudden something clicked in mind.

"I'm good right here. Here and now... I am really good."

Perhaps this relationship just ends into nothingness. I'm totally okay with that.


On to other things, I haven't felt as light as I do today, in weeks. And quite possibly, months. Something just lifted yesterday evening. I feel so light.

Thank God for His mercy and grace. I feel so at peace when everything is so unsure.

Proverbs 3:5

Stay Woke

Referring back to the video I watched/listened two days ago by that artist, he expounded that we often take on bad habits. Likewise, it is often the bane of our existence to undo those bad habits, then re-learn new and better habits.

In one of my psychology classes, we read this book (written by the professor teaching the course) called, "Immunity to Change". Neurologically, the human brain is really good at keeping certain behaviors. Some behaviors, we have actively incorporated into our lives, and others we have passively incorporated by proximity to those we spend most time with. All this contributes to our immunity against changes.

Safe to say, I am not a proponent of coerced behavior modification.

Anyway, as I am going through this shift, I am taking stock--as I usually do--of my life and things that were added, and things that need to be taken out. I've already "weeded" out a small portion of my belongings. I think its time to get ruthless about it.

(That Marie Kondo book is looking mighty appealing, but I don't need any more books on the shelf for now!)

I'm currently listening to a sermon by Dharius Daniels, called "Stay Woke". It's nothing new, but being reminded is always great.

"It's one thing to want mind renewal, but it's another to be ready for the renewal."

Am I ready for revelation?

Change of perspective and radio silence

November kicked my ass. I had several disappointments and I promptly learned from them. I was learning, stretching, and growing.

A quick writing update: I wrote a few things after I stopped blogging last month. I was disappointed in that. Something came up which demoralized me and impeded my creativity. However, once I fixed this, and started to think about the story--the universe I was creating; my characters and their circumstances, I felt that thrill and life return to me.

Additionally, I finally began to teach. I had quit my job at T&Co, early/mid-September, but with bureaucratic red tape, I wasn't able to start teaching until the 2nd week of November. It was also testing because, after that, I had Thanksgiving and holiday-related no-class sessions.

As for the business, I grew it a little bit and I am very happy to be pushing onward. I was able to close in and welcome a new business partner. It was great! When my days at the school had me feeling bummed out, I would look forward to sharing positive energy with my business colleagues.

December's outlook: after re-evaluating my disappointments, I know this is the time to change tactics. I've created a great schedule and calendar. Which helps me track and "number my days", yet, not feel overwhelmed. I've formatted my schedule for my novel--alas, I didn't get to finish because I started teaching--which I hopefully will finish by the end of January-to-mid-February.

I keep all this in prayer. I'm living for my legacy.


Matthew 10:16

NaNoWriMo day 7 - New set of vignettes and cleaning

I didn't write today, but I did brainstorm as I cleaned the house. I just needed to rest from the weekend. I felt good though because the next set to write is all about conflicts.

It seems to me that every weekend our house explodes. All the tidying done throughout the week is foregone because Sunday is a very busy day. I once explained to my co-workers in my previous job that I don't get weekends off. I do my "hobby-job" aka, Church.

Whether it's doing errands, picking up stuff, or mentoring. My weekends are usually filled with something. It's rare to see me home all weekend.

So, today was cleaning day. Ahh. I did a lot of organizing too. Yay!

As for writing, I am at a point where my characters are no longer children with hazy memories to recollect, but adolescents. The next few sets of vignettes will involve inner and external conflicts. The last vignette, the one with the first kiss, had conflict, which bridges the first few sets to the next few sets. As children, they didn't really have any cares... as teenagers...

AH. TEENAGERS. LOL Enter High School drama. Enter College drama. YAY!

So here's to the next set!

Exodus 34:21

NaNoWriMo day 2 - Pace

Today's pace was slow. I was falling back into my habit of researching. I lost time.

I also lost time for my counter. I guess people were trying to upload their word counts before 12am, that the site was slow. So I technically got my 3345 wordcount in at 12am, having gotten locked out. Sigh.

Better pacing tomorrow! A better blog tomorrow. I got tuckered out. Haha!

Hebrews 12:2

NaNoWriMo Day 1 and a small surprise

I have uploaded my first day's word count at 1,704 words. It is a little over the projected daily word count, 1,667. I am quite excited. I was in a groove. However, I wanted to stop so I can write this blog.

The current writing set up is quite simple. My Dyson heater-fan to my right, for optimal temperature; the ultrasonic humidifier with essential oils is on with peppermint and frankincense (way to keep awake and focused without coffee). I also have guacamole and chips for snack.

I got my first mini-writer's block with some dialogue, so I went and cooked some oatmeal. Did I ever mention that I cook when anxious or need to think? I also walk, but I did that this after noon after my first writing session.

At the moment, I have 4 hours a day I can allocate for writing. To lessen on fatigue and frustration, I decided to break that into 2 sessions. Two hours in the morning right after I wake, and two hours in the evening after dinner.

I've allocated time for blogging, which is not part of the daily word count. Likewise, I picked up a side project for someone at church.

Finally, the surprise of the day, is that someone wants me to part-time for them as a grant writer. If writing in this season isn't meant to be, then I don't know! But I know it's a good thing.

I'm in a state of flow. I'll continue writing after this blog.

Proverbs 15:13

Thinking about Cars

I spent the last few days watching a great number of YouTube electric car reviews. It's in the spirit of researching electronic vehicles and hybrids. It's utterly fascinating.

My previous post featured the Tesla Model X, however, today I was looking into the BMW iSeries. And honestly, as much as I love the MiniCooper (BMW owns them now...) and am excited for the hybrid coming out in the next few months, I've got to say the Bulldog looking BMW i3 looks adorkable.

Learning about electric cars are fascinating. The EV-car culture is quite new, and those entrenched in (regular ie. non-electronic) car culture seem to view EV's with a wary eye. However, I was doing the math on cost effectivity and it blew me away. EV car culture seems to have one revolving fear, at leat for the moment, and it's called the "range anxiety".

At the moment, range anxiety is a valid fear. However, I think with the public's acceptance of EV's, more stations and technologies will come. I was just discussing that in Queens, a variable black-hole--at least compared to the City--when it comes to EV charging stations, there are a few.

I hope my first car is an EV or at least a hybrid. I'd like for my first long-distance trip to go to New Orleans. Hello, beignets.

Proverbs 19:20-21

Short to Mid-range Goals, and Being A Steward of the Environment

Recently, I wrote a list of several things I wanted to accomplish within the next year, year and a half, two years, and five years. Some things include being financially free of all types of debt--consumer and educational. Then there are more personal things like weight and general wellbeing. Another thing I'd like to have within the short-range future is to get my Driver's Licence and get a car.

I still don't feel like I need it, living in NYC and all. However, the liberation and whimsy of road trips without taking the bloody bus--looking at you MegaBus--is edging toward the want. Having no private parking/driveway and to alternate parking regulations--the bane of anyone with a car in the city--does not excite me. AT. ALL.

Anyway, today, I've spent a great deal watching car reviews on YouTube. Namely, I was looking at Audi and Volvo SUV's. However, what piqued my interest was Tesla's Model X. 

As I sit watching Model X videos, I remember reading an article about "passive houses". Since Tesla's are known to be eco-friendly, I linked that to passive houses which are energy efficient. Basically, the house has minuscule heat and cold leakage. There'd be no need for heaters in the winter and air conditioners in the summer. I think this is cost effective for everyone in the long run, especially for the environment.

It dawned on me that I like this type of lifestyle. It is in line with what the Bible says about Man (humans, homo sapien sapien). Man is supposed to be a steward of the earth. However, we have grossly abused it. 

I'll continue to explore these thoughts. 

Image belongs to Tesla.com, Tesla Model X with its Falcon wings open. A bit ostentatious, but it goes well with me. I think its whimsy. Calling my Back to the Future peeps. 

Romans 8:22

New York, New York - A friend visits

Today, I was able to hang with a friend. She's come to visit from California, and it was a day filled with walking, talking, and laughing.

First, we met at Dominique Ansel's Bakery. Since both of us were hungry, we made our way to the Birdbath cafe. We had salad and Farfalle pasta. Then, we walked around SoHo for a bit; picture taking architecture and fanciful shop windows.

After SoHo, we walked to the New Museum. The contents of the exhibits are contemporary and abstract. I favored two installations. Namely, one with the hanging lights.

Thereafter, we walked to CW Pencil Enterprise. I bought two pencils and a sharpener. The shop is neatly organized, which is always a treat to behold. But I was glad my friend appreciated writing instruments as much as I do.

After CW Pencils, we made our way to Bryant Park where we had a snack and then walked through the Holiday Villiage. Some shops were set up and ready for the holiday sale season, whilst others were not set up. We went inside the Schwarzman building (NYPL main library) and took pictures. We marveled at the architecture and I was telling her about the history and the cool things I've come across whilst conducting research.

Finally, we walked to Harvard Club and rested our feet. I gave her a quick tour of the place and we continued to chat about life. It was a good way to end the vigorous day.

I hope to visit her in California soon, but with all the things I'm attempting to do--I'll continue to pray about it.

Proverbs 12:26

Skin - Face Masks part 2

Today, after church, I came home early. I watched one documentary and then realized I had some time for a face mask. I decided to try the Osmia Organics Protein Exfoliating Mask.

Upon opening the container, the powder is pink with flecks of brown. It is hand milled Azuki bean with a type of French clay. The texture is fine to moderately coarse.

I first measured 1/2 a teaspoon which is enough for the face (later, I measured another 1/2 for the neck). I mixed in a few drops of Frankincense essential oil and water.

The takeaway: I prefer this mask prepared thin, instead of thick, as it's harder to spread because of the fine-to-medium-coarse texture. The drying of the mask felt unpleasant as it almost stung. My skin wasn't turning red because of it, but it was uncomfortable. The acid peel (which this is) was working. Perhaps, I am not used to it.

Overall, it was okay. I'll give it a few more tries before I decide to return or whatever.

Psalms 34:5

Skin - Face Masks, all natural you can eat it (but don't)

Today arrived the past piece of the skin regime puzzle. I bought the E.L.F. Pore refining and brush tool. It was out of stock at the E.L.F. website, so I bought it at Ulta. However, it is also out of stock there.

I bought three (and a half, one was a sample) face masks, Odacite Synergie, Osmia Organics Protein with the Detox Face mask (sample size), and finally, the Herbivore Botanicals Blue Tansy mask. I've tried the Synergie mask and the Detox face mask (on my neck!) and I must say both are good thus far.

I'm not a "face mask type" person, but I thought to incorporate it into my routine. I look forward to the next application. I do like the Detox face mask from Osmia because the cacao scent is yummy. The exfoliation effect isn't too apparent, I think because it was on my neck. I'll try it on my face some other time.

Finally, I'm still looking for a nice toner. It's hard finding all natural stuff. I'm so frustrated that I may just make my own, which I don't really have qualms about.

Stay tuned!

Esther 2:12

Keep Your Heart -- Acknowledge your blessings, blast past negativity!

Today, I was able to encourage a friend. Actually, lately, because I've the time, I've been finding friends who need encouragement. Some have health scares, some have work woes, and others are broken hearted, by someone or a circumstance. I count it a privilege to extend my prayer and support with encouraging words.

The conversation with this young lady, today, helped me realize God's goodness in my life. I have friends who encourage me and build me up. They kick my butt in line so I can do better. I realize that, for some people, it is a fortune to have genuine friends who not only supports good endeavors but cautions and corrects.

When I spoke with another friend, I mentioned that we--because she and I are accountability partners--are fortunate to have each other. That God has caused us to grow in our respective fields. We strive for higher goals, together.

She just finished her PhD research project and is fixing her scientific paper for publishing. While I am endeavoring to build my small business. For some, these goals are but dreams, much more the action of accomplishing them is nearly impossible.

I count myself very humbled by God's grace, that He would entrust to me--us--such destinies.

My suggestion, dear readers, is to find good friends who enable you in the best way. They not only are your "hype"-wo/man but also the person to knock some sense into you. But know yourself first! Your identity isn't intertwined with theirs. You are you. You are awesome in your own right, you need them to help you realize how awesome you are all together.


Proverbs 4:23

Changes - Autumn

Autumn, is my favorite season. However, I dislike the first part of it--the fluctuation! The constant hot-cold weather change; being unsure of what to wear, and the humidity.

My skin often suffers between (major) seasonal changes. My mother finds it odd, but I can't do anything about it. The other season I also suffer is the Spring-Summer change. The humidity, and possibly the pollen in the air affects my skin too.

Anyway, I love Autumn and what it brings. Brightly colored trees, hearty vegetables and stews, and a slight chill in the air for sweaters, hats, and scarves. For the latter, I have a decent collection, and will take it out of storage.

I know Starbucks notes the change of the season into Fall when the Pumpkin Spice Latte comes out, but for me it's when I start cooking soups or roasting veggies. My favorite recipe is the cauliflower-potato-leek. CPL for short. Haha.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Scent, Memories, and Fuzzy feelings

I think my obsession with scents began when I was around 8 or 10. There was a Rite Aid (pharmacy) by my old neighborhood that had a good selection of colognes and body sprays. Unlike other pharmacies, they had their selections open and not closed off behind a glass shelf.

I remember that my dad purchased me the Calgon - Turquois Seas spray. I practically bathed in it. Thereafter, I got CK One and Tommy Girl. In High School, I fell in love with Armani Emporio She. I also wore Dolche&Gabbana Light Blue, Dior J'Adore (mostly because my mom likes Dior and I'd use her's!), Armani Code Black, Demeter's Gin & Tonic (which is the cheaper version of Light Blue!). I particularly like Clean - Out of the Shower and Soap. I didn't care for the original scent.

I once purchased something from the UK and received a sample. I got Floris Cefiro and Fleur. So delicious...So bloody expensive.

My mainstay is definitely Emporio She. However, today, I may have found a new favorite! It's by Reiss, Black Oudh.

Funny story, I was touring our guest at the Oculus (train station/mall) by the World Trade. We passed through some shops and I had to stop. I thought the wafting scent was from a couple who passed by, but then I started to backtrack. The scent came from the shop.

I approached an unsuspecting sales associate. "What's that scent?!" He pointed toward the cashier, "It'll be there--Oud."

Another associate pointed to the bottle and I began playing with it. "It reminds me of this scent in a mall I went to in Dubai. I got off the escalator, and I was about 100 feet, and this powerful scent hits me." (to note, I was already smelling it two floors down!)

"Yeah, oudh is quite powerful. It's good this reminds you of it."

Indeed, the scent reminded me of a good time; of sunny skies, and perfect weather (LOL for that time. I am aware that Dubai is hell-hot thereafter!). I really did want to buy the Oudh there in Dubai, but then again, I didn't think my parents would appreciate me burning the wood at home. Haha.

I want to buy it. Right now I've got the sample paper tucked into my Bible. Yummy.


2 Corinthians 2:15-16

Being Frivolous - Social Media, Crushes, and art

I have a funny relationship with social media. I like to study it. I also like to observe how people interact with it. I believe it can do a great service to humanity, and alternatively, it can do irreparable harm.

I can go on about that, but I just wanted to talk about my "Instagram Crush". Back when I was a teen, we had--dare I say "legitimate"--celebrity crushes. James Franco, Zac Effron, and Hayden Christensen. Social media has blurred the lines of "fame", wherein we all have platforms and the efficacy of exposing oneself leads to a stronger viewership.

It doesn't hurt to be pretty. (Or undeniably creative/talented).

Anyway, my Instagram crush. Funny story actually. I was looking through the "discover" section on the mobile app. I saw this lovely painting. It truly resonated with me and I tapped to view it. The secondary realization was that the artist was good looking. However, when I finally got into the album/page, I was floored.

This dude was super easy on the eyes (to say the least). He was also creative. Something I'm always drawn to. Further, the caption on his artwork spoke volumes about his character.

I hit the "follow" button so fast. LOL

I just wanted to end on this note: I was checking my feed one day and I saw one of his (art) pieces. It was a color pencil drawing of an anatomically correct heart in a person's hand. I believe it was posted on Valentines day. His caption was equally as interesting. I was so awed by the piece I showed it to my mom.

My mother isn't really into art but she appreciates it. When she viewed the piece she was in raptures. It captivated her so much that the very next day she asked to see it again and we had a discussion about it. It's also pertinent to say that she's a nurse and worked in open-heart surgery for years. Haha.

Kudos, sir, for what you did for my mom. Your art inspired a discussion. ❤️

Countdown to first fitness goal

Sigh, 29 days to my first fitness goal. Just being clear and envisioning it. I know I can focus!

This week has been hard with little sleep. Today, I'll try and sleep early. No more coffee or teas for me.

How bad do I want this goal? Badly. I've got to brainstorm how to get in more activity. I need to the change of weather, too.

All is well. I will sacrifice Instagramming during this time in order to focus on this goal. I always believe in loosing something to gain something.

Philippians 4:13

Dreaming of You - Convoluted Thoughts

The title is appropriate, seeing that today the Selena MAC (cosmetics) campaign began. Already sold out, and admittedly, I am quite nervous that I won't get the lipstick of that name. Sigh. More on makeup in another post.

I wanted to talk about the dream I had last night. I woke up with a start, feeling awful. I was mad and sad all the same time.

The setting of the dream was at Camp (Ashland, VA).  In the dream, it seemed like I lived there, but I was moving out that day. Some guy was helping me pack up and get all my stuff sorted, but after my possessions were in the van, I went around to say goodbye. He was following me diligently as I said my farewells. However, I was looking for a person.

This person I am looking for, "C", is someone I know. In real life, our general relationship is hard to describe. It's a case of misunderstandings, but great rapport, mutual affection--there's a lot of history and disappointments on both ends. I acknowledge it's not the best.

Anyway, in the dream, I was seeking "C" out to say goodbye. I was searching all over Camp, and in the last possible moment, right before I absolutely had to leave, I see him. From across the room, I ran toward him to give him an embrace. I hugged him tight, and then let go. He then told me to run to the van.

The guy who had diligently followed and helped me pack was called elsewhere as I opened the door to the passenger van taking me to the airport. The van was full of people who I was close to and strangers along for the ride to the airport. I called out the people I wasn't close to, asking them to leave the van if they had other motives in being there--namely, they wanted to join in the pre-flight meal we customarily have as a family (yes, this is a real life thing we do almost every time someone leaves!).

As the van pulls out of Camp, I call "C" telling him, "It's not too late to join us to go to the airport. There's space [in the van]." He replied, "I'm sorry, I'd like to but can't. I'm sorry timings never work out..."

I am distraught, and I wake up from my dream.

I woke up feeling angry with my(dream)self for not noticing the devotion of the other gentleman--the one who helped me pack and who diligently stood by my side saying good bye. Yet, I was also sad that I had spent so much time looking to and for someone who didn't feel I was worth the same amount of energy.

Whether this is a true representation (or devolution) of my relationship with "C", I'm not sure. But surely, I think I can believe that timing has, and will probably never be, right. How sad I am about this I'm not entirely sure.

I am a firm believer of letting negativity go. Yet, grey areas exist and "C" is there. Complicated enough to hurt, yet positive enough to inspire.

Proverbs 2:2

Relief - Falling into Place

Today is a good day although the weather seems contrary. I've finally submitted the last pieces of paperwork for the teaching job, and I had my first order for a Shaklee turnaround! Happy dance!

The walk toward my goal is long, but today is something to celebrate because God is good. I'm a firm believer that victories, no matter how small, should be acknowledged and celebrated. The adage 'fortune favors the bold' has been in mind lately, and I can't help but think that patience and prayers through the last few weeks have lead me here. Seemingly insignificant, but I cannot help but think of the Jesus and his parable of the mustard seed. 

A friend slept over last night, but before sleeping, we were talking (as I did the dishes). I was talking about my activities the last few weeks, and what I'm doing with the time I have for myself. I've also shared the renewed passion I have for mentoring, and how I'm finally working out my ministry.

She mentioned that couldn't help but smile as I recounted the last few weeks. And in addition, other close friends have noticed how 'chill' I am with all these changes. I always attribute the peace to the prayers.

A few posts below, I mentioned that I am interested in the slow living--living intently--and that the philosophy of one of my favorite chef's is "Time is an ingredient". I've been through circumstances that have stretched my faith these past few years. I'm just learning to rest and change my flow.

Things are settling down, and now the praying and the planning these few weeks can take effect. Soon more victories, in different forms, will come. I can't wait to celebrate those too.

Hebrews 12:2

Sunrise at Burj Khalifa observation deck

Slow Living - The Lie of the Rat-Race

Today, I was able to meet up with an old friend. I had not interacted with her for more than a decade. We enjoyed bunch at Qdoba, and talked about our respective businesses. I had a nice time.

Thus far in the recent re-direction of my life, I am enjoying the "free-er" time that I have. It is the opposite of when I worked for someone else, where I would be so tired I'd "nap" (ie sleep!) after I got home. However, I also attribute my increased energy to the shake and vitamins I've been taking for my turnaround. After the nap, I went to church. Happy times!

Digressing, I love the slower life style I have right now, and to be honest, I've always admired my friend Susie who runs the blog Oreeko (Oreeko on FB). She runs a blog and directory (!!!) on slow living. I always thought it was lovely to live that way.

Slow living, I think is great because one lives intentionally. Time is yours. The lie of the rat race is that the things on your list must be accomplished, but really, things take time!

Another tangent: that's why I love Dominique Ansel so much. I love the concept of the Dominique Ansel Kitchen [where] "Time is an ingredient"

Here's a few things I've learned: There are things one should not force. (Certain) Big decisions take time. Life is to be enjoyed. There's no point to being miserable with something you can change. Living the life you want takes courage and sacrifices.

I hope that from here on out, I live intentionally. That I use my time wisely. I am accountable, right?

Psalm 90:12