Here and Now

The countdown to my birthday is ever alarming?--for the lack of a better term. It is the last birthday of my 20's, and thus, once I hit that magical year, the countdown to my 3rd decade commences. As always, introspection comes part-and-parcel.

The last year has been a daring one. I have learned to stretch in faith, and boy has it been crazy for me. There have been periods of waiting, then spurts of intense activity, and the tapering off of intensity, but greater activity.

People worry about my future for me. They worry about my career. My place--whether I will grow roots in a certain area. I can only shrug.

The last decade has changed me. I used to plan everything in my life. Dread the work it entailed, but planned it neatly, nonetheless. But dropping out of Pharmacy School; taking a year and a half to actually seek God for the next step, and doing what He said, has been an adventure.

I was so scared to trust God with my future. I was so scared to let go. Now, I've learned that letting it go is best. There are things I don't need in my life and I gladly relinquish that to Him. There are things I can't handle, and I gladly hand that over. I've learned to simply do what I need, and that's that.

As I count down the days to my 29th birthday, I count down the crazy things that have happened in the last 10 years. My personal growth; my wonder and wanderings, and the grace that has been poured out.

Below is a quote from the sermon of Pastor Dharius Daniels (from Stay Woke, the one I talked about previous post)

"You started sensing the rising to an allergic reaction to mediocrity and apathy."

Excellence and clarity are mine.

Proverbs 31:31

Hello, 2017 and Life Adjustments

It's been more than a month since my last post. Quite a few things have happened since then--you know, life.

Let me begin by saying that I did not get to finish my NaNoWriMo story which was disappointing. Mid-November I started teaching. December was challenging, as I had to learn to navigate the new position and other things. God was still in all of that because He allowed added responsibility--to liaise between school and program. Not too bad! I'm getting the hang of being a teacher.

As for the story, I spent a good while last week, looking at my notes and I fell in love with my characters all over again. I do want to write my story but I think I'll need a little more time to get their "lives" right. All I know is that I am besotted with Piero. Haha!


Healthwise, I was doing well after the Holidays. I didn't partake gluttonously of the Holiday meals. I lost weight, one and a half pant sizes to be precise. On the last week of December, I finally committed to a gym membership. It was a mind game, really. Thankfully my gym offered a complimentary Personal Trainer consultation. My trainer is kick-butt and we jive quite well. I lost two pant sizes by New Year!

For a person who had not stepped into a gym in 10 years--discounting the times I bought memberships but didn't go--I was so self-conscious. To note: I did go do Yoga intermittently in that decade, but I've given that up. Anyway, I got psyched-out the second week, but thankfully the youth at my church inspired me to go.

I got sick. Then went to Disney World with my cousins the first two weeks of January. I felt horrible last week. I felt heavy and weak, no energy at all yet terrible sleeping patterns. I hit the gym last Saturday and promised to go every day this week. I booked a 7 am session with my trainer just so I can be held accountable.

That accountability led me to push. Push past self-consciousness and feelings of inadequacies. To mind my self, my goals, and no one else. Thus far, I can see an improvement in my cardiovascular health. My running times are getting better, 24-minute mile in December, to 18:20 yesterday, and 13:53 today! WOOT WOOT! Here's to Shaklee Sports Nutrition for helping me!


Fortuitously, my pastor in Cambridge emailed about discipleship level 2. There was no thinking about it! An opportunity to grow deeper in Christ is a great life-investment. I am excited in this time of dedication. With a boatload of stuff going on around the world, I want to hunker down in Christ, my anchor, my rock. Otherwise, there would be no peace.


All this to say that there are more things in store for 2017. I'm so ready. There will be challenges, there will be lulls--life happens--but this year I'm taking and making it for myself and my God.

Colossians 4:2

NaNoWriMo day 6 - First kiss scene complete; Back home and Church

I had a productive weekend in Boston. I'm sad that I didn't get to stay a bit longer to attend church with my Revolution family. But I had to go back home to NY because I didn't want to miss our Sunday worship.

Our Sunday worships have been full of great nuggets of heaven. God is really revealing Himself to our congregation. Lots of encouraging, life-giving, and loving correction from Him. I really didn't want to miss the continuation of my sister's sermon.

Anyway, although I didn't reach the word count today, I did manage to write about 300+ words. I also completed the kiss scene between my two characters. Let's just say I let out a squeal when I wrote the last word. I cannot wait to develop their relationship.

I will take all the knowledge I amassed this weekend and use it to further my business and train others! MASTER FASTER! Yay!


Song of Solomon 1:1-4 (totally appropriate! LOL)

Mad Dash part 2 - Mom's Bibles

My mother is on the plane now, probably taxiing through the tarmac. It's been a whirlwind 5 hours.

She came home late from work. Had to get the rest of her packing done. Went to the airport late.

She was all nerves. I usually can tell when she's getting nervous. It's funny and albeit a bit frustrating.

The funniest part of checking in is that her carry-on luggage was 2x the weight allowed. When the clerk asked her to take stuff out, she zipped open the bag and then proceeded to take out two of the three Bibles therein. When weighed again, it was still overweight, so we took out the third Bible.

"Mom! Why do you have three Bibles?" I asked.
"Wha--? No, that one is Amplified!"
😂
You'd only understand if you know my mom...

Psalm 119:105

Plant-Based Diet Yet Again

Since 2012, I've taken up this thing where I shift my diet, which is meat heavy, to vegetarian/pescatarian. It usually is at the beginning of the year, where I naturally "detox" from the Holiday feasts. Thus far, I really like it.

Aside from fasting and praying, I make this commitment to fast meat. It helps me feel lighter and be at ease. I honestly don't feel like I carry a bunch of junk inside.

As for the post two days ago, and last night's post, I am on a scheduled "turnaround". Fixing sleep and work schedule, then my diet and after, work out my schedule. Yay!

Today begins the no-meat phase. I am so tempted to just eat meat, it's the easy alternative since there's already leftovers. However, I am making cornmeal "patties", my hack version of a tortilla.

I added some all-purpose flour so it would clump up and not be crumbly. However, I know this goes against traditional corn tortillas. Apologies.

Going vegetarian takes a little bit of planning, especially since I've made it a point to eat 6 times a day--small meals to keep metabolism up. It's harder than it sounds because it requires effort to be on an eating schedule. I remember Hillary Swank saying she abhorred the training and eating schedule for Million Dollar Baby. She had to get up half way through the night to take a protein shake.

My brother comically said, "you know, where people say 'I gotta get out of my school schedule', you have to get back on your 'school schedule'." I don't disagree because I am healthiest and most productive.

Psalm 18:2

Relief - Falling into Place

Today is a good day although the weather seems contrary. I've finally submitted the last pieces of paperwork for the teaching job, and I had my first order for a Shaklee turnaround! Happy dance!

The walk toward my goal is long, but today is something to celebrate because God is good. I'm a firm believer that victories, no matter how small, should be acknowledged and celebrated. The adage 'fortune favors the bold' has been in mind lately, and I can't help but think that patience and prayers through the last few weeks have lead me here. Seemingly insignificant, but I cannot help but think of the Jesus and his parable of the mustard seed. 

A friend slept over last night, but before sleeping, we were talking (as I did the dishes). I was talking about my activities the last few weeks, and what I'm doing with the time I have for myself. I've also shared the renewed passion I have for mentoring, and how I'm finally working out my ministry.

She mentioned that couldn't help but smile as I recounted the last few weeks. And in addition, other close friends have noticed how 'chill' I am with all these changes. I always attribute the peace to the prayers.

A few posts below, I mentioned that I am interested in the slow living--living intently--and that the philosophy of one of my favorite chef's is "Time is an ingredient". I've been through circumstances that have stretched my faith these past few years. I'm just learning to rest and change my flow.

Things are settling down, and now the praying and the planning these few weeks can take effect. Soon more victories, in different forms, will come. I can't wait to celebrate those too.

Hebrews 12:2

Sunrise at Burj Khalifa observation deck

The Dreamer - Keeping the indomitable spirit

In Middle School, my best friend once told me that her dad gave insight about her friends. He had mentioned specific characteristics about each one of us, there was five of us that (often) hung out together, but three were tight knit. I often revisit this insight.

He had said, "[J] is a dreamer. She has her head in the clouds, and sometimes she may need someone to keep her grounded." I remember receiving that insight negatively. Was it bad to have my head in the clouds? Was it bad that I'd need someone to bring me back to the ground? In hindsight, it was my insecurities as a tween that shaded this lovely insight negatively.

In reaction to that, I closed my heart up. I focused on being "logical", "linear", "intelligent"--thinking that being a "dreamer" wasn't intelligent! I would only focus my whimsical attributes in art or writing. I grew mean spirited because I thought I'd need to be acerbic and witty. It wasn't my best friend's dad's fault, it was my own--I'd made myself miserable by denying a part of me.

Fast forward to my young adult development: I did away with all that heaviness and darkness. Thank God. It was a process unfurling the negativity; stripping away the heaviness, and being true. I mean, I'm still sarcastic, and of course witty, but that's part of my winsome personality.

More recently, while working at my previous job, I felt all the more convicted to not let anyone else take my joy away. As part of my personal testimony, I must spread the joy and peace inside. I was saved from my own dark soul and mind, and replacing that was Grace from Jesus. 

Tangent: my salvation prayer was simple--"God, take away the darkness in my soul."

Digressing, at work, I loved to talk with people, and one coworker, specifically, enjoyed our talks. We were of like mind, academics stuck in corporate. We would banter; ponder statements, and talk about art and literature. One of the nicest things he said about me was, "...I like you, 'ya know? You've a touch of whimsy. We need that in this place." 

I've learned that this whimsy; that I, as a dreamer, need not keep it bottled up. Yes, it takes more energy to be ernest, honest, and happy. And yes, people can take that transparency as vulnerability--weakness, but it's not. It takes far greater courage to love forthrightly. It takes more courage to keep on dreaming. It takes creativity to learn how to navigate the broken world. 

I like art and literature. I like to listen to sad songs. I like to look at real estate postings for magnificent houses. I like to peruse the internet for First Class tickets to wherever. I like pretty things.

I love broken people. Broken people have such great potential. That's how God sees them, and that's how I choose to see them, too.

Hebrews 4:12

Conversations with God

One of my favourite sermons is about prayer. I believe that prayer is essential in spiritual growth and personal growth. Deep prayer is having deep conversations with God, and I love it.

When I was a child I thought it was something formal. That I first had to 'clean' my mind of thoughts so that God wouldn't hear them before I started. But that's the thing about an omnipotent-omniscient God--moot point in cleaning your mind before prayer 'cause He already knows!

Anyway, the sermon of the Tabernacle Prayer (taught by Paul Yonggi Cho) is a go to, especially when I want to 'soul detox'. Its not meant to be formal... it's meant to be real. I'll be re-iterating and exhorting on it at Church, so I might as well give snippets.

Premise: The Tabernacle/Temple prayer is a method of praying so as to engage God in deeper conversation. It also helps pace one's self in prayer time.

There are three stages and seven areas of concentration. The three stages are the outer court, inner court, and the Holy of Holies. The seven concentrations are: the Brazen Altar and the Cross, Laver, Lamp Stand (Menorah), Table of Show Bread, the Altar of Incense, and the Mercy Seat.

At each concentration, we engage God differently. At the Brazen Altar, we come to magnify the work of Jesus on the cross. To affirm His death, and His triumph. We renew our minds with the benefits of the cross: forgiveness of sin, righteousness, healing, conquered the world, fulness of the Holy Spirit, sanctification, redemption from the curse, etc; We get to clarify the vision of our identity in Him.

The Laver is where we look within ourselves using the 10 Commandments as our mirror. It is no longer a curse (Galatians 3:10 NLT preferred). A lot of repenting and renouncing here. Got other gods and idols? Got a problem with taking the Lord's name in vain? Am I keeping the commandment of the Sabbath? Do I respect my parents? Honestly, when you ponder upon these, you'll be humbled and see that we needed a lot of fixing. It's great! Its a recalibration. This is where I'm usually a sopping mess.

The Menorah represents the Holy Spirit and His seven attributes. He illuminates our spirit and soul with His: wisdom, understanding, counsel, might, knowledge; fear of the Lord, and holiness. This is that part where the 'oil' or 'anointing' comes. Here I'm humbled by His abilities and realize what it means to function in and through Him. And, obviously, I engage Him and adore Him and take this time to fellowship with Him.

The Table of Show Bread is the word of God. The 'logos' - the written word, and the 'rhema' - God's spoken word. I like to think of it as the Doctrine within the Bible and the inspiration impressed by God through the Holy Spirit that brings these doctrines to life, able to apply divinely inspired Word to our lives. I thank God for the Word and the promises of the Word that has come to life within me for my wellbeing. Super powerful to know that God's Word does not return void (Isa. 55:11) and alive (Heb. 4:12).

Finally (for my snippet, rather), the Altar of Incense. Here, we are directly in front of God's glory. Our prayer is a sweet incense to Him (Ps. 141:2 & Rev. 8:4). Here we are able to offer petitions for ourselves and others, pray for blessings, protection; lay down plans and projects, etc; You've got this time, place, and space in front of the King of Kings and He's listening. Say, 'Hi' or just be still to listen to Him. 

I encourage you to make it real 'cause either way He's listening. Also, going through these points, I assure you, you'll have a long and very deep conversation with God. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

(Yes, I realize I may have blogged about this a while back. Always a good topic!)

Time Management and the Curse of Flexibility

Time management: this is one of my many failings. I add that flexibility is a curse because, too often, it goes hand-in-hand with poor time management. And no, I don't believe there is such thing as a "work-life balance", but more on that in a bit.

It is ingrained in me to be 'flexible'. Whether it is a facet of the Filipino culture, or that it is heavily prized in my family culture, I am not certain. Personally, I treat it as a bad habit.

I have tried schedulers and calendars--not the same thing!--I'm a 'lister' so lists are good for me. But try as I might, I do not get to cross off everything on that list. It annoys me.

Case in point, yesterday evening (early this morning, rather) I was listing down what I needed to do for today. However, something happened when I woke up that needed attention. While that matter was important, I am now looking at my list. The will to accomplish it diminishes. 

However, I've got to learn to manage my 'work-life', seeing that I'm part-timing as a tutor/teacher, and I've a business to run. I've to learn to focus, prepare, and make contingencies. Honestly, I can plan but my intentions may not be right, therefore, what looks good on my list, I may not follow through. That statement makes little sense, but it does to me. 

Anyway, affirmations:  I will focus. I will do what is on my list. I want to do this.

As I wrote yesterday, Proverbs 16:9, I plan, but God fulfills. I'll just do my work and thank Him for the energy.

Psalms 103:1

"Excelsior!" A life change.

The word "excelsior" is Latin for "ever upward" and "still higher". It's on the state seal of New York--completely apropos. It also happens to be Stan Lee's catchphrase. To me, it's a dare.

Can I push myself to be better spiritually, mentally, and physically? Can I learn to face my battles efficiently, head-on, with a victorious mindset? Can I worry less about people's preconceived notions? The answer is, obviously, 'yes'. However, 'when?' is the more vexing question.

Some weeks ago, someone inspired me with a 'divine' word. That's nothing new since I'm always receiving or being told great words of wisdom and affirmations (prophetic words, so to speak). But the succeeding days, I couldn't get it out of my mind.

I sat under a pine tree at work, and instead of eating lunch, I was praying. I was faced with a conundrum. Who I want to be is far grander than what my current position could give me. It wasn't out of ambition or entitlement, but rather, an illumination within. It asked a serious question--which had been asked before, but this time, instead of brushing it aside, I had the courage to answer it.

It leads me here. A new career path, a budding business, out of my depth (for the moment! Optimistically, obviously), and committing.

The committing is the hardest thing yet, to be frank. But that's part desperation, part hope, and wholly faith.

I hope to write blogs regularly again. Perhaps it would help others understand the journey I'm on now, and for me to externalize whatever it is I'm going through.

God's grace is suffice.
Proverbs 16:9

Of Courage and Liberty

It's been a year since I graduated, give or take a few days, of course. Walking around campus felt so different compared to my very first day living in Cambridge. I remember walking down Magazine Street, and although it was a sunny, cloudless day, it was grey. However, last Thursday, walking with my sister and friends around Harvard Square and then around Boston, it was clear and shimmery.

I have learned so much from my time living alone, and I am sure that, as I embark on the next journey, I will learn more lessons. The prerogative is to be couragous--trusting in God's plan. It'll require much of me, stretching and molding me, and that is all I can hope for. Tehre are so many people much braver than I, and if I want my life to mean something, I, too, must go and do.

I am so fortunate that I have a family that is supportive of the adventures and endeavors I am undetaking. I have their prayers and blessings, which allows me to be free. I am at liberty to do.

As I type this post on the Megabus ride back to NYC, I have Oceans by Hillsong  United on repeat. "Spirit lead to where my trust is without boarders..."

Will I be trusting enough? Will I live and walk Spiritually so that I can endure and persevere? God I hope I can be counted as your faithful. That's all I really want in life. That's the only thing I am sure of.

Praise Jesus.

That Thing Called Hope

The job hunt is still very real. I don't wish to say that its a struggle because it really isn't. It's people's job to make sure to pick the most qualified, and I get that. So, as I keep on pushing my resume out there, I remember a very old sermon--probably about 10 years ago--by my best friend's father.

"Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days." Ecclesiastes 11:1 (KJV)

The other versions say to cast my "grain", and I understand that it can be also paraphrased as "seeds". It's also like saying "giving a gift can open doors; it gives access to important people!" (Proverbs 18:16 NLT). My skills, abilities, and positive characteristics are seeds (or gifts) that I have gathered/gained from planting effort and experiences, and by paying it forward/sowing over the summer, I know that it will indeed come back to me, or make room for me.

This is what I've been thinking about regarding this position I really desperately want. It's a clerical job in the back end operations of a very prestigious company. I would either work in shipping, customer service in drafting important documentation, or handling very precious materials for repairs. 

Here's hoping. Right?

Then, I was thinking about where I should "hope". Realistically, I need a job because I've got bills (student loans) to pay. Further, I need another degree or certification for a career. But then a job isn't permanent, and a career isn't secure. Money isn't permanent either. So, where to place hope?

I had said a small prayer as I was walking around the other day: "Jesus, you're my hope. I know this. You're doing something in the background for me." The hope that is sure is the cross of Jesus and what was done there. That remains constant because the price of life--my life--was paid by His blood. At the cross is my future as well.

I wait with anticipation; growing deeper in my knowledge and hope in Christ for the great things he has in store. I know Jesus is in the midst of it all and I know He's doing more in the background for my favor. The Holy Spirit is with me, guiding me to make the right decisions, and placing me decisively for the blessings that will over flow. 

I can't wait for the favorable outcome!

For Who You Are by Hillsong

How to Deal with Disappointment

It's nearly a month since my last post. I had originally planned to do a post every other day, but the job hunt is real and it's getting ever more real. I can't help but feel frustrated, and the feeling of despondency is slowly tugging. So, I am writing because I need to remember...

During camp last, one of the very first life issues God highlighted was that I had a lot of hurt and emotional scars. I can only side eye that, because, well, God knows me better than I know myself, right? I've been hurt by people closest to me--I mean, who hasn't? Thats one of the saddest facts of humanity, the closer you are to a person, the more hurt you'd feel--the amount of love you give is (often) proportionate to the amount of hurt you feel...

Digressing, emotional scars and hurts were remembered. A good portion was prayed over, released forgiveness for, and then prayed life into. For some, I actually had to contact the person(s) and release forgiveness--again, proportionate amount of hurt, it was a boatload. 

I just needed to remember this example of personal growth over the summer because I am feeling all these yucky feelings--excuse the lack of a better term. I'm hurt by the circumstances, and disappointed in myself. I feel like I've failed at life (already? I mean, I just graduated...), and that I've been hoodwinked. 

They are lies of the enemy.

Taking a cue from my favorite book in the Bible--James--I will combat these feelings with the Truth. I am content in this trial because its building perseverance (James 1:2, 9, 12 ). I am taking pride in my humble position, because in my lack, God overflows with all things I do not have. I am called to persevere because God has work for me to do.

Pastor Glenn Garland said something that I've been ruminating lately. My present situation may be fact--my current joblessness is likened to water turning into ice, but the TRUTH is that I am a conqueror and a success likened to aberrations of nature (miracles), like Jesus walking on water. 

My life is a miracle. This is my testimony. I will triumph because of the Blood Christ shed on the cross, and my testimony (Revelations 12:11). (Thank you Lord for such a beautiful thing!) The life in me is not mine, it is Christ's, therefore I have hope, and a bright future (recall Jeremiah 29:11).

Biblical truths.
Promises.
Endurance.


This is not the end.

This is how to deal with disappointments, despondency, and hurt life metes out. As my father likes to quote: Hebrews 12:2, "Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."


This is Not the End by Gungor

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United

Oceans Will Part by Hillsong

Now unto Him that is Able to Keep You from Falling

I am behind schedule today as I got carried away with job applications. I think I was able to do at least five this morning, and two yesterday. Today I am trying to do as much as I can since I wasted a great deal of the day wallowing. (Side note: Don't you just hate unfinished dreams? URGH!)

My present meditation is Jude 1:24-25 KJV, "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless in the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, now and ever. Amen." The lovely realization that I need Jesus because I am ever more dependent on Him; happy at the fact that I am not sufficient, and I cannot do a thing on my own. I am not crippled by despondency--at my ineptitude, but so humbled by my frailty. 

Probably more to post later today--going to a Harvard event tonight. I was frustratedly curious as to whether I should bring a date or not. 

You Are My Hope; Jesus I Come. When Death Dies

The first song on today's playlist:

The previous post was a mix of current songs I've been listening to, as well as song from ages ago. It was fun going down memory lane that day with old songs and old playlists. I even dug up some old pictures from high school. I'm far too embarrassed to post them, sorry (not sorry). 

Anyway, I've decided to change my eating habits. I'm back to eating less meat, eventually phasing it out, though I haven't decided to commit to that. I will definitely miss chicken, but my solace are eggs! It's day two of the change and I feel lighter already. I'm popping almonds and walnuts whenever I get peckish, but what I really want is some fruit--bananas, figs, and some (flat)peaches. Also, I'll have to get more tea--it's warm drinks season, after all! (Can you tell that I'm excited for Autumn?)

From now until the end of the month I'm planning and outlining for NaNoWriMo. I've attempted it before but never got much traction because I couldn't juggle school and writing. It was too much for my brain to switch between the two. Now, I finally get to focus on writing. Super excited. 

Mindset. Focusing on changing my mindset regarding certain things. Romans 12:2 "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." I can't afford to 'not feel like [doing] it' because I'm working on a time table. I've got to be diligent. Rest is good, but I've been bummy. Whenever I get--not feel!--bummy, I remember Pastor Jerry Dirman's message "The Sluggard", and Proverbs 26:14. OUCH. 

Enough of my own thoughts... Emptying it out, and putting good stuff in. The WORD of GOD. It's transformative and informative.

When death dies, all things live. Because Christ is alive, I have a hope and future.

Unfolding Destiny

At present, if I take stock of what I see and feel, it would be unsurety and disquiet. Nothing is going as I had hoped, and I almost feel as though I am stuck in limbo, which for me, is the worst place. The next step I am supposed to take is far off yet, but close enough, which is frustrating because it's part of a barebones plan/outline/guideline, but details aren't filled in. I can't just twiddle my thumbs...

Thankfully, I know my God and his voice, and that is enough confidence and easement I need. I don't need to be anxious or afraid of my future, because [He] know the plans [he] has for me...plans to prosper and not to harm [me], plans for hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I know that He is my sustainer (Psalm 40:11), my guide (John 16:13), compass (Psalm 16:11), and counselor (Psalm 55:22); my maker (Psalm 103:11), father (Psalm 56:8-9), perfecter (Psalm 139:23-24), and my shelter (Psalm 23:6), bastion (Psalm 46:2-3), and protector (Psalm 3:3). He is my salvation (Acts 4:12) and deliverer (1 Thessalonians 1:10). He is my constant companion (Psalm 73:23-24). He is my wealth (Psalm 4:7-8), hope (Psalm 42:5) I know I can laugh about the future and the days to come (Proverbs 31:25), I have victory (1 Corinthians 15:57)! 

Feelings and thoughts can be set aside. It is the byproduct of using the senses. Faith needs to be concrete--realer than real. This is why I need not worry about tomorrow. All I must do is walk out today with Him. 

My destiny is certain, as it is big. I have caught the vision for it, and I know that I don't have enough strength, skill, or talent on my own to bring it to completion or perfection, but I know who does... my God. 

So this is just a brain dump to remind myself that my imperfection, failings and weaknesses are good--they're great!--because in these He is strong, able, and perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). I've got plans and options, but His will and way takes preeminence.

Thank you Lord for you sit on your throne, immoveable by my circumstances; that you rejoice over me, and uphold me. There is no lack in You. There is no missing You--You make Your presence known to those who seek You. You've given me choices and the mind to accept or reject, but in my choices may it be Your will that is done. In the end, all I want to hear is "well done, faithful one". Lord, whatever  I don't know, please teach me; whatever I do not have, please give it, and whatever I am not, please make me in your Son's mighty name. Amen.