As most of my followers on Instagram and friends on Facebook know, I am focusing on my art at the moment. I wanted to focus on music but I had to decide which one would be beneficial for me at present. Writing, too, has been put on the back burner--at least, posting my writing. I'm chugging along, daily, trying to write something.
I was listening to a successful artist speaking about talent and skill late last evening and he consolidated the nebulae of thoughts I had been ruminating the past few months. Too long and verbose to write here. Haha!
Anyway, I take comfort in knowing that I don't know much about art. I truly want to increase my skill because talent only takes me so far--like engenius and prodigious children, the other children catch up eventually. I will not depend on inspiration or muse(s) but simply do...and learn.
Today marks a shift in the way I do things. I hope you'll tune in for the adventure. My blog on WordPress will contain more artist musings and, dare I hope, artwork.
It has been a month and a half since I left my previous job. I stepped out in faith and drew upon that much courage. My business is coming along, although the part-time position teaching is still tied up in bureaucracy. I am happy and healthy and that's all that matters.
I was talking with my friend and business partner today about our company and the opportunities it gave us. And in tying up the decision to participate in NaNoWriMo, I told her about it. I told her about this passion I've had for so long.
See, NaNoWriMo, is a writing marathon that happens in the month of November. The object is to "sprint" writing a novel--actually, a novella--that is, 50,000 words. When I was younger, I was very active in fandoms and fanfiction. I was active in several writing communities and fansites as well. I wrote blogs in Live Journal and Xanga (before that!).
My contemporaries and mentors always encouraged me to write a novel. They believed that I was capable of it. However, the timing for NaNoWriMo was never quite right. When I was in school, it went along with finals time, and when I was working, it was around the busiest time of the year. Also, when I was working (for someone else, so to speak) I was so drained of energy that I was too tired to be creative.
Writing well requires a bit of drudgery. It requires practice. It requires a lot of focus and patience. I didn't have that when I was in school or working a conventional job.
So, in the conversation earlier, I thanked my friend for seeing the potential in me to be a part of the business. The Shaklee Opportunity is allowing me to live my best life now! I am living a deliberate lifestyle and finding creative ways to spend my time. I am building and strengthening relationships. I have energy, purpose, and time.
I've lost a bit of fat and gained muscle mass. My skin problems have cleared. My mindfulness and mindset are all the more being reinforced for positivity and opportunity instead of seeing my lack.
I thank God for this opportunity. He says that we are the head and not the tail. I wholeheartedly believe in that. I can't wait! My transformation and continues.
Today, I was able to encourage a friend. Actually, lately, because I've the time, I've been finding friends who need encouragement. Some have health scares, some have work woes, and others are broken hearted, by someone or a circumstance. I count it a privilege to extend my prayer and support with encouraging words.
The conversation with this young lady, today, helped me realize God's goodness in my life. I have friends who encourage me and build me up. They kick my butt in line so I can do better. I realize that, for some people, it is a fortune to have genuine friends who not only supports good endeavors but cautions and corrects.
When I spoke with another friend, I mentioned that we--because she and I are accountability partners--are fortunate to have each other. That God has caused us to grow in our respective fields. We strive for higher goals, together.
She just finished her PhD research project and is fixing her scientific paper for publishing. While I am endeavoring to build my small business. For some, these goals are but dreams, much more the action of accomplishing them is nearly impossible.
I count myself very humbled by God's grace, that He would entrust to me--us--such destinies.
My suggestion, dear readers, is to find good friends who enable you in the best way. They not only are your "hype"-wo/man but also the person to knock some sense into you. But know yourself first! Your identity isn't intertwined with theirs. You are you. You are awesome in your own right, you need them to help you realize how awesome you are all together.
I think my obsession with scents began when I was around 8 or 10. There was a Rite Aid (pharmacy) by my old neighborhood that had a good selection of colognes and body sprays. Unlike other pharmacies, they had their selections open and not closed off behind a glass shelf.
I remember that my dad purchased me the Calgon - Turquois Seas spray. I practically bathed in it. Thereafter, I got CK One and Tommy Girl. In High School, I fell in love with Armani Emporio She. I also wore Dolche&Gabbana Light Blue, Dior J'Adore (mostly because my mom likes Dior and I'd use her's!), Armani Code Black, Demeter's Gin & Tonic (which is the cheaper version of Light Blue!). I particularly like Clean - Out of the Shower and Soap. I didn't care for the original scent.
I once purchased something from the UK and received a sample. I got Floris Cefiro and Fleur. So delicious...So bloody expensive.
My mainstay is definitely Emporio She. However, today, I may have found a new favorite! It's by Reiss, Black Oudh.
Funny story, I was touring our guest at the Oculus (train station/mall) by the World Trade. We passed through some shops and I had to stop. I thought the wafting scent was from a couple who passed by, but then I started to backtrack. The scent came from the shop.
I approached an unsuspecting sales associate. "What's that scent?!" He pointed toward the cashier, "It'll be there--Oud."
Another associate pointed to the bottle and I began playing with it. "It reminds me of this scent in a mall I went to in Dubai. I got off the escalator, and I was about 100 feet, and this powerful scent hits me." (to note, I was already smelling it two floors down!)
"Yeah, oudh is quite powerful. It's good this reminds you of it."
Indeed, the scent reminded me of a good time; of sunny skies, and perfect weather (LOL for that time. I am aware that Dubai is hell-hot thereafter!). I really did want to buy the Oudh there in Dubai, but then again, I didn't think my parents would appreciate me burning the wood at home. Haha.
I want to buy it. Right now I've got the sample paper tucked into my Bible. Yummy.
My work area is fixed! YAAS!!! I still have to fix the books and supplies that I moved from my shelf. Most of the effects are books...
I have a problem with parting with books. I love to read. I hadn't the time when I worked at my previous job. I often read news articles and scholarly articles. However, I really look forward to getting back into reading books.
I am thinking of buying a bean bag chair for reading. I cannot wait! I'll have a reading nook again.
My clear desk looks very official. I'll purchase more Muji acrylic cases/accessories to keep things tidy. Cannot wait~
90% done with room renovation. Also, I found that I have a lot of lipsticks. Haha.
Being Filipino, I always knew someone who was abroad. Growing up and having family come to visit with souvenirs was a treat. They would have plenty of stories about distant lands and different cultures.
In addition, I was raised around foreigners. In Makati, Philippines, I saw Westerners and Asians, since it was the city center of the country's capital. Also, since my dad was an Evangelist/pastor, he had support from missionaries, namely, South Korean ministries/missionaries.
When I came to the US, we lived in a very diverse neighborhood, and the schools I attended reflected the population. It was great growing up with all these influences, i count myself very blessed.
But really, it was my grandfather who was a sailor. He sailed all over the world with his crew at a time where most societies were still segregated. He would tell stories about African, European, and Asian port cities and their misadventures.
My dad, too travels often. Even at a young age, I knew he would go to the provinces in the Philippines. And as I was growing up in the US, he would go back to the Philippines every year for a month or so at a time.
When I was sixteen, he began traveling to Europe for extended stays, first for a few months at a time, then up to six months. His travels always brought home great news about the churches in Europe, and the great things God was doing there.
Because of the internet, I had (and obviously still have) the privilage of meeting interesting people from all over the world. That's how I got to meet my friends in Dubai and South Korea. It's fantastic!
Traveling to the Philippines in 2008, and then to 11 countries in Europe 2009, really solidified that lifestyle. It helped me grow and expand my philosophies. It also gave me a heart for overseas workers. But more on this topic another time.
Travel just runs in my blood. I loved cultures, art, food, and people. I love stories. I want to amass stories for my children and grandchildren because I know the world will be a different place then.
November last year, a friend of mine came to visit NYC with a group of friends. I was so blessed to have dinner with them and to hear some great news. One such piece was of her engagement.
Fast forward a few months later, I find myself in Dubai, UAE. It was my first time traveling to a foreign country alone--although the previous year I went to Mexico (again, for another wedding), but met up and stayed with a group of people I knew. My cousin and her adorable son met me at the airport and helped me get settled in my AirBnB. There was an interesting circumstance here, but long story short, we saw each other one other time before I left, so I don't really count that as "staying in a foreign country with family" (more on this some other time).
As few days before the wedding, I was happy to join the festivities. I had my hands adorned with henna, and I was invited to tea at my friends home. Lovely all around. I loved the company and tea.
Conversations and customary getting to know you's were had. I found that a few of her friends, professionals in their own right, had businesses. One has a jewelry line and another has a fashion line for bags. This intrigued me.
I found it odd that these lovely women who were established in their respective professions created their own businesses in their spare time. I mean, it's not unheard of, but I began to ponder 'why?'. However, after a while, I supposed that the 'why' didn't really matter. I supposed that they did it because they loved it. I wanted that, too.
In a succinct cultural commentary: being a first generation immigrant--coming to the US at a young age--I have observed that my parents (immigrants themselves) had this mindset, like many overseas workers. The mindset of "getting by". Granted, we came to the US legally because my mother is a professional--others are not as fortunate to have entered with the status and bearing (another topic for another time).
I've heard other people make apt comments about the "getting by" mindset. Namely, someone mentioned that "Filipinos tell their children to 'study hard' so you can get a job, not 'study hard so you can have your own business'." I've had this in mind for a while, and seeing my friend's friends with their businesses, inspired me.
One of the conversation topics with the friend I visited yesterday was about my job--the job I've yet to actually begin (another story)--or the [current?] lack thereof. I stated that "I don't want to work for anyone else", and with this, she gave me a boggled look.
Not for nothing, admittedly, I like to shock people. I don't like to be pegged by their preconceived notions. But those who really know me understand my quintessence.
Digressing, for the sake of my future family, my mindset has changed. I don't want to be a part of anyone else's rat-race. I've one life to live and all...
I wish that my fellow Filipinos can have the confidence and courage to think outside of this 'getting by' mindset. I find it sad that they waste away in a foreign land not feeling the embrace of their loved ones, but especially, growing old without an enriched life.
Apologies. I had meant for this post to be light and short. More pondering about all this on my end.
Today, I was able to meet up with an old friend. I had not interacted with her for more than a decade. We enjoyed bunch at Qdoba, and talked about our respective businesses. I had a nice time.
Thus far in the recent re-direction of my life, I am enjoying the "free-er" time that I have. It is the opposite of when I worked for someone else, where I would be so tired I'd "nap" (ie sleep!) after I got home. However, I also attribute my increased energy to the shake and vitamins I've been taking for my turnaround. After the nap, I went to church. Happy times!
Digressing, I love the slower life style I have right now, and to be honest, I've always admired my friend Susie who runs the blog Oreeko (Oreeko on FB). She runs a blog and directory (!!!) on slow living. I always thought it was lovely to live that way.
Slow living, I think is great because one lives intentionally. Time is yours. The lie of the rat race is that the things on your list must be accomplished, but really, things take time!
Another tangent: that's why I love Dominique Ansel so much. I love the concept of the Dominique Ansel Kitchen [where] "Time is an ingredient"
Here's a few things I've learned: There are things one should not force. (Certain) Big decisions take time. Life is to be enjoyed. There's no point to being miserable with something you can change. Living the life you want takes courage and sacrifices.
I hope that from here on out, I live intentionally. That I use my time wisely. I am accountable, right?
Last year, about this time, I was hired full-time by my previous job. However, two weeks into training, I hurt my foot, specifically my toe, and couldn't walk. I was embarrassed and angry with myself.
While on medical leave, I was just angry and terrible to myself. I felt stupid, and frustrated that something so silly kept me from working. I was embarrassed because I had just started in that department. I kept praying for healing and was frustrated that it didn't happen instantaneously.
However, one evening, as I lounged with my foot propped up, I felt something inside. I heard the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I felt my heart changing.
See, our body is the Temple of God; He resides within us, ready to commune with Him and do His work. However, we often neglect it too. I, in my frustration, was cursing my own body for not healing quickly. I was harboring negativity about the situation. The nudge of the Spirit caused me to see this.
If we are to speak life to others, we should speak life to ourselves. "Death and life is in the power of the tongue," Proverbs 18:21, so calling ourselves ugly, fat, worthless, and broken, is profaning the Temple of God. It is contrary to everything He has made us to be.
So, at that point, I repented for the awful way I spoke to myself. I renounced all the anger inside. I renounced insecurity for good measure. Then, I spoke the promises of God. I am His righteousness. I am free. I am redeemed. I am healed. I am loved. I am accepted.
To this, I have learned to treat my body right. I try to get good quality sleep. I try to eat healthy. I try to exercise. I try to stay away from habits or actions that may cause old injuries to get agitated. However, I've got to move away from 'try' to 'do'.
I challenge anyone reading: Repent for seemingly innocuous words/descriptions--"I'm fat", "I'm ugly", "I'm stupid", "I'm bad at...", "I don't know any better..." This is not who you are or who you're meant to be. You're meant to have an abundant life--and fat means you're abundantly blessed with food! Working out may be necessary, but you're blessed with sneakers to run, or money for a gym membership! Accept the fullness of His Grace in Jesus--accept that yes, we're not perfect, but we are unique for a purpose. Our experiences and lessons are nuggets of heaven to share with others.
God gives (multiple) second chances. He allows us to live life, and when we focus on this blessing; we see His goodness. We start seeing the grander plan. We see order from all the chaos of the past and present. We see a clearer vision of a better future.
One of my favourite sermons is about prayer. I believe that prayer is essential in spiritual growth and personal growth. Deep prayer is having deep conversations with God, and I love it.
When I was a child I thought it was something formal. That I first had to 'clean' my mind of thoughts so that God wouldn't hear them before I started. But that's the thing about an omnipotent-omniscient God--moot point in cleaning your mind before prayer 'cause He already knows!
Anyway, the sermon of the Tabernacle Prayer (taught by Paul Yonggi Cho) is a go to, especially when I want to 'soul detox'. Its not meant to be formal... it's meant to be real. I'll be re-iterating and exhorting on it at Church, so I might as well give snippets.
Premise: The Tabernacle/Temple prayer is a method of praying so as to engage God in deeper conversation. It also helps pace one's self in prayer time.
There are three stages and seven areas of concentration. The three stages are the outer court, inner court, and the Holy of Holies. The seven concentrations are: the Brazen Altar and the Cross, Laver, Lamp Stand (Menorah), Table of Show Bread, the Altar of Incense, and the Mercy Seat.
At each concentration, we engage God differently. At the Brazen Altar, we come to magnify the work of Jesus on the cross. To affirm His death, and His triumph. We renew our minds with the benefits of the cross: forgiveness of sin, righteousness, healing, conquered the world, fulness of the Holy Spirit, sanctification, redemption from the curse, etc; We get to clarify the vision of our identity in Him.
The Laver is where we look within ourselves using the 10 Commandments as our mirror. It is no longer a curse (Galatians 3:10 NLT preferred). A lot of repenting and renouncing here. Got other gods and idols? Got a problem with taking the Lord's name in vain? Am I keeping the commandment of the Sabbath? Do I respect my parents? Honestly, when you ponder upon these, you'll be humbled and see that we needed a lot of fixing. It's great! Its a recalibration. This is where I'm usually a sopping mess.
The Menorah represents the Holy Spirit and His seven attributes. He illuminates our spirit and soul with His: wisdom, understanding, counsel, might, knowledge; fear of the Lord, and holiness. This is that part where the 'oil' or 'anointing' comes. Here I'm humbled by His abilities and realize what it means to function in and through Him. And, obviously, I engage Him and adore Him and take this time to fellowship with Him.
The Table of Show Bread is the word of God. The 'logos' - the written word, and the 'rhema' - God's spoken word. I like to think of it as the Doctrine within the Bible and the inspiration impressed by God through the Holy Spirit that brings these doctrines to life, able to apply divinely inspired Word to our lives. I thank God for the Word and the promises of the Word that has come to life within me for my wellbeing. Super powerful to know that God's Word does not return void (Isa. 55:11) and alive (Heb. 4:12).
Finally (for my snippet, rather), the Altar of Incense. Here, we are directly in front of God's glory. Our prayer is a sweet incense to Him (Ps. 141:2 & Rev. 8:4). Here we are able to offer petitions for ourselves and others, pray for blessings, protection; lay down plans and projects, etc; You've got this time, place, and space in front of the King of Kings and He's listening. Say, 'Hi' or just be still to listen to Him.
I encourage you to make it real 'cause either way He's listening. Also, going through these points, I assure you, you'll have a long and very deep conversation with God.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
(Yes, I realize I may have blogged about this a while back. Always a good topic!)
It's been a year since I graduated, give or take a few days, of course. Walking around campus felt so different compared to my very first day living in Cambridge. I remember walking down Magazine Street, and although it was a sunny, cloudless day, it was grey. However, last Thursday, walking with my sister and friends around Harvard Square and then around Boston, it was clear and shimmery.
I have learned so much from my time living alone, and I am sure that, as I embark on the next journey, I will learn more lessons. The prerogative is to be couragous--trusting in God's plan. It'll require much of me, stretching and molding me, and that is all I can hope for. Tehre are so many people much braver than I, and if I want my life to mean something, I, too, must go and do.
I am so fortunate that I have a family that is supportive of the adventures and endeavors I am undetaking. I have their prayers and blessings, which allows me to be free. I am at liberty to do.
As I type this post on the Megabus ride back to NYC, I have Oceans by Hillsong United on repeat. "Spirit lead to where my trust is without boarders..."
Will I be trusting enough? Will I live and walk Spiritually so that I can endure and persevere? God I hope I can be counted as your faithful. That's all I really want in life. That's the only thing I am sure of.
Background: I was listening to Eyes, Nose, Lips (Feat. Tablo) by Taeyang as I was doing errands yesterday and I just had to write this down. But then I remembered The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves. I've been outlining my plot for NaNoWrimo and I think I'll expand on this lovely thing. LOVE IT. The Adventure
The passengers quickly fill the plane, and she waits. Looking out the window, her mind wonders when she first decided to go on this grand adventure. Back then, she was still unsure of herself or of her future. If that certain boy had asked her to stay, she would have.
She is grateful he didn't.
As the plane taxies, and then lifts off, the skyline of her home town comes to view. Soon, she'll be in her home--across the land and sea--where whispers of childish dreams dissipate because life turned out to be so much better.
Her new home where she settled after a long adventure is rooted in the arms of a man who didn't ask her to stay, but instead came along for the adventure. - Fin - Eyes Nose Lips (Feat. Tablo) by Taeyang
At present, if I take stock of what I see and feel, it would be unsurety and disquiet. Nothing is going as I had hoped, and I almost feel as though I am stuck in limbo, which for me, is the worst place. The next step I am supposed to take is far off yet, but close enough, which is frustrating because it's part of a barebones plan/outline/guideline, but details aren't filled in. I can't just twiddle my thumbs...
Feelings and thoughts can be set aside. It is the byproduct of using the senses. Faith needs to be concrete--realer than real. This is why I need not worry about tomorrow. All I must do is walk out today with Him.
My destiny is certain, as it is big. I have caught the vision for it, and I know that I don't have enough strength, skill, or talent on my own to bring it to completion or perfection, but I know who does... my God.
So this is just a brain dump to remind myself that my imperfection, failings and weaknesses are good--they're great!--because in these He is strong, able, and perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). I've got plans and options, but His will and way takes preeminence.
Thank you Lord for you sit on your throne, immoveable by my circumstances; that you rejoice over me, and uphold me. There is no lack in You. There is no missing You--You make Your presence known to those who seek You. You've given me choices and the mind to accept or reject, but in my choices may it be Your will that is done. In the end, all I want to hear is "well done, faithful one". Lord, whatever I don't know, please teach me; whatever I do not have, please give it, and whatever I am not, please make me in your Son's mighty name. Amen.
It's been a few weeks since I've written something, but today is one of those rare days I've found mental downtime.
Firstly, WOOT!!! I graduated! I've finally got a degree to my name, although it is totally not just for me, but for everyone who has helped me down the path of academics. I can't say how grateful I am to everyone--especially my parents, grandparents, family, and friends. Then there are my mentors and teachers who literally have helped me through tough times and invested in me. I know I keep saying it, but its true.
Secondly, I am deeply moved by the love that was showered upon our family when Papa died. There were people who we hadn't seen in years, or have lost contact with, and those who unexpectedly came to his memorial service. I had him in mind today as we [in camp] prayed for America, the troops, and veterans. If anything, Papa was really proud of being a WWII Veteran, and that his grandchildren had degrees, and accomplishments of their own.
Thirdly, 26! I'm just an edge past quarter of a century, I'm glad I got to spend it with family and friends, though I know that I left some people hangin'. Sorry!
Fourthly, I am so stoked by camp. I know I came immediately after my birthday, and it seems like I won't be back home until the beginning of September, but I am so grateful for the training and the things I am (and will) learning.
Rise. The sun always rises. It may rise behind the clouds, and it may obscure the light for a while, but clouds are vapors and will disappear. Compared to the enormous ball of gas, clouds...
My sunrise has come.
The last two years here in Boston held so many challenges. I often wondered if I'd come out of here with my mind in tact, but here I am. I thank God for everything.
My heart is just so full right now. Things are falling int place. God, it's beautiful.
Sunrise
A golden glow peeks at the edge of the horizon.
Hope stirs within.
A ray breaks forth, piercing the heart of night;
it chases the dark.
Blue married with gold hugs the earth.
More tendrils of light burst forth.
The star rises victoriously.
Gold.
Glorious gold.
It kisses the land softly, warmly, and anew.
A new day.
Yesterday (Monday) night was the final class for Drama. I'm sad to realize that next Monday evening I wouldn't be surrounded by really cool, warm, and kind people. It was a lovely journey to be a part of. I told my acting teacher last night, "I learned to access my feelings, commit to them, and follow through." To which he replied, "well that's true of everything we do, right?", indeed it is.
I had a late start this morning, which I'm quite annoyed about--I'll make due. Drinking tea, I thought about my stay here in Boston, the community I've been a part of--Grace Street/Revolution Church, and my previous/present? classmates. These thoughts actually began a few days ago when, in frustration, I started to pack. I took down most of the cards and letters people have sent/given me and tucked them away. Several are still up on the wall, I'll need them to get through the week. A specific card, given by a dear friend, talked about how she'd miss me as I moved up to Boston. That's nearly 2 years ago.
Two years. A chapter of my life will be closing soon. Nothing's going to stop me.
Boston held previous memories. Boston holds graveyards. Boston holds closure.
Once I pass the threshold and shut the door come the end of the month, I'll be back in NY, but it will be an entrance to something else.
Whenever I am unsure I always remember a song Pocahontas sang in Pocahontas II. "But where do I go from here, so many voices ringing in my ear", she sings as she's at the crux of major life decisions. I am very fortunate that God, in His infinite grace, has always given me options. Most of these options lead to successful ends, and all I've really had to do was follow the path and see things through. For that I am so grateful.
That has been in mind because of a dream I had a few days ago. In a way, some part of me knows this inherently, and just wanted to remind me. I needed the encouragement.
My classes this week started off with a major hiccup. I wasn't in the headspace for my first class, French, and I was just mucking up the whole time. I was like a deer caught in the headlights, and simultaneously, it was like I was witnessing a car crash. My professor was picking on me because I couldn't pronounce things right, and he called me to the desk after class for a little chat. Sigh.
Granted, he's probably just judging whether I am fit for his class. In which, I know that I am. I have no choice because I need this class to finally graduate. It's either a sink or swim type of situation. I need to graduate this May because plans for the rest of the year are contingent on it. It's not that I don't know how to speak French, I can understand it quite well, but I have trouble speaking it and in class. My classmate(s) didn't help what so ever, which left me flustered to no end.
Anyway, I just remembered the song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. It gave me great encouragement and hope to face today's class. I will focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses. I know that I'm systematically making my way through the previous chapters, and am actually exerting effort for this class--shock! I shouldn't be psyched out by my professor. I can do this. I've been in stickier situations. I know God's got my back.
I've just got to trust and believe that everything will work out. Jesus did say, "it is finished".
My bias is showing, but one of my classmates look like Prince William. It's the nose, I think.
I had a great time just recuperating last weekend. I got to vegg out, marathon Sherlock (and Elementary), and do art. I was also writing. Fun times.
My brain is sputtering, still. That means I don't really have the longest attention span. Look at this post. Haha.
I felt really crappy this morning and didn't really want to go to class. I was feeling a bit anxious since yesterday evening--can one wake up from a nap anxious? Apparently I can. Sigh. But really, I think it's just the intake of caffeine. I've been drinking too much Earl Grey.
I'll list the things I'm grateful for so as to combat my anxiety.
1) My art supplies came!
2) My High School mentor(s) may have my art stuff.
3) My family is okay and getting better because everyone's not feeling 100% healthy. (That's the nicest way to put it. Haha.)
4) My brain isn't feeling as clogged, even though it's still taking more effort to think clearly. At least it's not foggy.
