Time is an Ingredient

Probably why I happen to like Dominique Ansel Kitchen so much is because of the pathos of that specific branch. Dominique Ansel's Bakery is the birthplace of the Cronut, croissant-doughnut, and the chocolate chip cookie shot. The bakery is all about cutting edge desserts whilst the Kitchen, while also cooking up novel desserts, is all about time.

There are desserts that are completed upon ordering, for that "made to order" feel, whilst other desserts take days to complete. Like a good tres leches takes at least 2 days, Ansel's Tea-ramisu takes 48 hours to mature. My favorites, of course, are the tarts.

Past my preamble, time is an ingredient is so many aspects of our lives. It takes 9 months for human gestation--if the baby comes out too early its, often, very concerning, and if the baby doesn't come out and stays a bit (few days, weeks, even an extra month!) it, too, is a bit concerning. It often takes 2, 4, 6, 8, or 10, years to finish higher education. Someone doesn't get handed a Ph.D. or a Residency for just two years of study--I don't know if it's doable or possible, but it would be bloody exhausting.

I was just pondering about art and the time it takes to produce pieces. In history, there were artists who took months or years to finish a piece, having lulls in production. There were others who kept producing regularly, and within that body of work, Masterpieces would be recognized.

When I was in middle school, I remember a certain project that was assigned. Our class had to draw stuff and I remember I spent about an hour or so on the project. When we had to hand in our work, I saw a classmate's piece, and it was well made and very detailed. She looked at me and commented something to the effect, "it takes hours to make something, right?" I remember shrugging and replying, "Yeah, I guess so."

Something inside sparked, and soon after I spent sketching anything and everything. When I brought my sketchbook to school, I remember one of my classmates incredulous that my sketches got from line art to realism in such a quick time. "You traced this!", he was indignant. I put my hand over my sketch and I go, "the palm is too small for me to have 'traced' it!" I can laugh at the scene now, but I was so mad.

Anyway, I had lost quite a bit of time. But a good artist relies on skills, and I am excited to learn new skills. As a child, fine motor skills often elude, but being an adult, all I need is a bit of time. Thankfully, God has given me more than enough time. It's just about harnessing that time and not squandering it. Eep!

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Stay Woke

Referring back to the video I watched/listened two days ago by that artist, he expounded that we often take on bad habits. Likewise, it is often the bane of our existence to undo those bad habits, then re-learn new and better habits.

In one of my psychology classes, we read this book (written by the professor teaching the course) called, "Immunity to Change". Neurologically, the human brain is really good at keeping certain behaviors. Some behaviors, we have actively incorporated into our lives, and others we have passively incorporated by proximity to those we spend most time with. All this contributes to our immunity against changes.

Safe to say, I am not a proponent of coerced behavior modification.

Anyway, as I am going through this shift, I am taking stock--as I usually do--of my life and things that were added, and things that need to be taken out. I've already "weeded" out a small portion of my belongings. I think its time to get ruthless about it.

(That Marie Kondo book is looking mighty appealing, but I don't need any more books on the shelf for now!)

I'm currently listening to a sermon by Dharius Daniels, called "Stay Woke". It's nothing new, but being reminded is always great.

"It's one thing to want mind renewal, but it's another to be ready for the renewal."

Am I ready for revelation?

Hello, 2017 and Life Adjustments

It's been more than a month since my last post. Quite a few things have happened since then--you know, life.

Let me begin by saying that I did not get to finish my NaNoWriMo story which was disappointing. Mid-November I started teaching. December was challenging, as I had to learn to navigate the new position and other things. God was still in all of that because He allowed added responsibility--to liaise between school and program. Not too bad! I'm getting the hang of being a teacher.

As for the story, I spent a good while last week, looking at my notes and I fell in love with my characters all over again. I do want to write my story but I think I'll need a little more time to get their "lives" right. All I know is that I am besotted with Piero. Haha!


Healthwise, I was doing well after the Holidays. I didn't partake gluttonously of the Holiday meals. I lost weight, one and a half pant sizes to be precise. On the last week of December, I finally committed to a gym membership. It was a mind game, really. Thankfully my gym offered a complimentary Personal Trainer consultation. My trainer is kick-butt and we jive quite well. I lost two pant sizes by New Year!

For a person who had not stepped into a gym in 10 years--discounting the times I bought memberships but didn't go--I was so self-conscious. To note: I did go do Yoga intermittently in that decade, but I've given that up. Anyway, I got psyched-out the second week, but thankfully the youth at my church inspired me to go.

I got sick. Then went to Disney World with my cousins the first two weeks of January. I felt horrible last week. I felt heavy and weak, no energy at all yet terrible sleeping patterns. I hit the gym last Saturday and promised to go every day this week. I booked a 7 am session with my trainer just so I can be held accountable.

That accountability led me to push. Push past self-consciousness and feelings of inadequacies. To mind my self, my goals, and no one else. Thus far, I can see an improvement in my cardiovascular health. My running times are getting better, 24-minute mile in December, to 18:20 yesterday, and 13:53 today! WOOT WOOT! Here's to Shaklee Sports Nutrition for helping me!


Fortuitously, my pastor in Cambridge emailed about discipleship level 2. There was no thinking about it! An opportunity to grow deeper in Christ is a great life-investment. I am excited in this time of dedication. With a boatload of stuff going on around the world, I want to hunker down in Christ, my anchor, my rock. Otherwise, there would be no peace.


All this to say that there are more things in store for 2017. I'm so ready. There will be challenges, there will be lulls--life happens--but this year I'm taking and making it for myself and my God.

Colossians 4:2

Eventualities, praise and worship; if not now, when?

My friend and business partner never fails to say the phrase, "if not now, then when?" every time we speak. It is a good reminder of the lies we believe about our lives and the time we have on earth.

Lately, I have pondered the future, especially setting my goals for the next year. I was on the phone with a childhood friend--a girl I used to babysit, actually, and I tell her, " I am a year a half away from being 30. What would I have wanted to accomplish, then?"

The lies we often believe about our lives is that we have time. We actually do not. To get existential here, as I type this I am using the "present". As you will read these words, you will have read my "past" words while using your "present" moments. When you finish, I shall be in bed, asleep--it would be my "future" coming to pass.

Wednesday was the first time I led praise and worship. I have, for the better part of the last decade and a half, sang back up. It was a surreal moment when I stood in front of the congregation and we were in high worship. The thought occurred to me that my singing--the talents the Lord gave me were unused for the last long while. The enemy had succeeded in thwarting, diverting, and distracting me from utilizing these gifts. It's sad. But now, onward.

So, when will eventualities come to fruition?

Romans 12:6-8

Change of perspective and radio silence

November kicked my ass. I had several disappointments and I promptly learned from them. I was learning, stretching, and growing.

A quick writing update: I wrote a few things after I stopped blogging last month. I was disappointed in that. Something came up which demoralized me and impeded my creativity. However, once I fixed this, and started to think about the story--the universe I was creating; my characters and their circumstances, I felt that thrill and life return to me.

Additionally, I finally began to teach. I had quit my job at T&Co, early/mid-September, but with bureaucratic red tape, I wasn't able to start teaching until the 2nd week of November. It was also testing because, after that, I had Thanksgiving and holiday-related no-class sessions.

As for the business, I grew it a little bit and I am very happy to be pushing onward. I was able to close in and welcome a new business partner. It was great! When my days at the school had me feeling bummed out, I would look forward to sharing positive energy with my business colleagues.

December's outlook: after re-evaluating my disappointments, I know this is the time to change tactics. I've created a great schedule and calendar. Which helps me track and "number my days", yet, not feel overwhelmed. I've formatted my schedule for my novel--alas, I didn't get to finish because I started teaching--which I hopefully will finish by the end of January-to-mid-February.

I keep all this in prayer. I'm living for my legacy.


Matthew 10:16

NaNoWriMo - Prep and Plot

I just received my "No Plot? No Problem" book by Chris Baty, the founder of NaNoWriMo. Thank you, Amazon Prime. I'm quite pleased with what I've read thus far.

He talkes about the excitement that happens at the onset of the endeavor. Then the waning of the excitement, and by the last week it's an arduous endeavor. Thankfully, the novel doesn't have to be 100% done by means of plot or characterization, but rather, one can celebrate accomplishing at 50,000 words.

The way I've set it up is a series of vignettes, so each character contributes to the whole narrative. There will be plot holes, definitely, as vignettes don't warrant a continuous time line. But who knows?

The key here is to get to 50,000 words, and hopefully have a story worth telling. Then the revisions start. Here is where all the questions on plot, characterization, and over all style has to be settled.

I remember attempting all this before and I would waste time because I needed a certain detail to be right, correct, or real. However, Chris writes in his book that this whole exercise--marathon--is to get as much on paper/written, it's quantity over quality. Quality takes time, and that can happen after the month is over.

Here's to the next few days in mentally preparing for the challenge!

Habakuk 2:2

Bible Study - Apologetics: On Free Will and Choice

Today, we had a lovely and lively discussion about Biblical foundations. There were questions and answers, and there were things to further seek God for clarity.

One of the topics was about Angels having free will. I, in my limited study, do not know the whole picture, nor am I fluent in philosophical and theological jargon. So I will seek and pray.

Thus far, all I know is that there is a difference between free will and free choice. Words and how they are defined could help shed light on the matter. But mostly, it is to the Holy Spirit to inspire and teach.

This is the crux of the matter. It is to seek God and find out his truth. To read, seek, delight, and become enlightened.

Proverbs 25:2

Changes - Endeavors and Lesson Planning

Yesterday, I went to my old High School to get paperwork done. I was to look over the workbooks I'd need to order to tutor ESL to international students. I met a fellow teacher and got to observe her and the class.

Today, I did the same thing. However, I focused on observing another teacher. There were differences in style between the two I observed. That was comforting. Seeing them handle their class gets me excited for my own! I can't wait for next week!

Anyway, as I chatted with the teachers, I got a sense that they, too, are feeling the new-ness of their position. The program we are a part of services the high school, and this year is the first time the program is offered during the school hours (it was previously an after school program). It's exciting as I find that we are malleable to the changes.

I think that's why people find it so hard to change, or accept change. The unknown is terrifying. Being unsure is terrifying. I suddenly remember a conversation I had with a guidance counselor in HS. I remember saying that I was so afraid of the future, that I'd rather relish the past.

I've grown up since then, and one of the lessons I've learned is to be excited for the future. When you hold on to the past, you don't see the future as brilliant, you often see it as daunting. But when you embrace the future, it's liberating because of all the potential.

I'm juggling the new position as a part-time ESL tutor with the new business. This is all new. This is exciting. But I'm getting to meet cool people. I'm creating great relationships with brilliant people. It reminds me of when I first started Harvard.

I remember then, I was so scared to sound stupid. But now, I know that everyone is learning something new. We're all sharing the same experience. Those who bring the negative energy only stifle themselves. When we have positive energy, we can share that, and together we all grow.

Super psyched for what the rest of the month unfolds. Further, what the end of the year entails. Yay!

2 Chronicles 16:9

Mad Dash

Last minute laundry. Packing with mom when we get home. No sleep again tonight because I've got paperwork for my dad.

Such is the life of missionaries. Yay to adventure!

I am so excited for my mom to be heading out to the missions field. She's got a powerful message! I can't wait to hear all about it.

Woot!

Matthew 6:33

Thoughts After Church - Worshipping

I arrived at church late. It was half way into Worship when I settled in a seat. The first few songs I sang distractedly. Many thoughts were in mind.

There was this moment, where I repented for not focusing--for not being present. All of a sudden, I was able to worship. A great load came out of my mind and heart. It was freeing as well.

However, there was this other moment where I grew honest and scared. I realized that my life, in the grander scheme of things, is truly fleeting. I began to cry earnestly. I felt like, 'God, I've wasted so much time'. Also, thereafter that thought, 'what are the next 10, 20, 30 years if not but a bat of the eye.'

I remembered a sermon about Mary Magdalene who brought the Alabaster jar and anointed Christ's feet. Some scholars say that this jar with precious oils, costing much, was a nest-egg of sorts. She could have tucked it away for her future to sell or for her burial. But basically, it meant that she was giving her future--unknown, undefined, costly, and laying it at the feet of Jesus.

Amazingly, Jesus says to her detractors that her deed will forever be recorded wherever the Gospel is preached. So, in laying down her nest-egg, the only valuable tangible representation of her future at His feet, she gained so much more. Where she laid to rest her personal gain and glory at his feet, she, all of a sudden, is forever part of the glory and redemption of the Gospel.

I'm still ruminating what that means for me.

Matthew 26:13

Cleaning - part 3

My work area is fixed! YAAS!!! I still have to fix the books and supplies that I moved from my shelf. Most of the effects are books...

I have a problem with parting with books. I love to read. I hadn't the time when I worked at my previous job. I often read news articles and scholarly articles. However, I really look forward to getting back into reading books.

I am thinking of buying a bean bag chair for reading. I cannot wait! I'll have a reading nook again.

My clear desk looks very official. I'll purchase more Muji acrylic cases/accessories to keep things tidy. Cannot wait~

90% done with room renovation. Also, I found that I have a lot of lipsticks. Haha.

Isaiah 41:10

Cleaning - part 2

In my last post, I talked about minimalist style and transforming my table/vanity into a work desk. It turned out harder than anticipated. After clearing the papers that had accumulated over the summer, among other things, namely change, receipts--I cleared space in my shelf to put my makeup tower.

What I was not prepared for was feeling unnerved that I was taking apart my "battle station", and moving it elsewhere. See, my makeup is organized in the Muji acrylic storage boxes. It is prominently displayed on my desk, next to the vanity lighted mirror. When I moved the tower onto the shelf beside it, I became aware of the empty.

I stared at that empty space for a good 20 minutes, trying to place a finger on why I felt vexed. It rattled me so much, I just went to bed. I slept quite late (or early in the morning), passing my bed time.

Anyway, feel that my desk is bare. But I am ready to accomplish great things. As I said previously, I always felt that if I let go of something, the energy otherwise used for that one thing can be transferred into something else. I feel that way with space--which is probably why I was so vexed about the empty space. I had spent such a great deal of money and time getting my battle station just right only to have to move it...

My vanity is now my workspace. It is the designated area to conduct work. It is a blank canvas used for productivity and efficiency. Yay!

Habakuk 2:2

Cleaning - minimalist lifestyle

One of my good friends and I have always admired the minimalist lifestyle. However, I don't exactly fit it in practice. I have a lot of stuff--I'm very blessed

Today has been about cleaning and clearing out my room. I envision a uncluttered area, but its an organized jigsaw right now. I am trying my best to keep things tidy.

I am making room on my desk/vanity for actual workspace. At the moment 2/3 of my desk is devoted to my makeup, which, while nice and organized leaves little room for paperwork.

I've got to shift things around in my shelf so I can move some make up there so it doesn't impede work flow. I've an office set up in mind, but I don't exactly want to put my makeup aside. I worked so hard earlier this year to get it all organized and tidy.

Here's to being 65% underway.

Philippians 4:12

Plant-Based Diet Yet Again

Since 2012, I've taken up this thing where I shift my diet, which is meat heavy, to vegetarian/pescatarian. It usually is at the beginning of the year, where I naturally "detox" from the Holiday feasts. Thus far, I really like it.

Aside from fasting and praying, I make this commitment to fast meat. It helps me feel lighter and be at ease. I honestly don't feel like I carry a bunch of junk inside.

As for the post two days ago, and last night's post, I am on a scheduled "turnaround". Fixing sleep and work schedule, then my diet and after, work out my schedule. Yay!

Today begins the no-meat phase. I am so tempted to just eat meat, it's the easy alternative since there's already leftovers. However, I am making cornmeal "patties", my hack version of a tortilla.

I added some all-purpose flour so it would clump up and not be crumbly. However, I know this goes against traditional corn tortillas. Apologies.

Going vegetarian takes a little bit of planning, especially since I've made it a point to eat 6 times a day--small meals to keep metabolism up. It's harder than it sounds because it requires effort to be on an eating schedule. I remember Hillary Swank saying she abhorred the training and eating schedule for Million Dollar Baby. She had to get up half way through the night to take a protein shake.

My brother comically said, "you know, where people say 'I gotta get out of my school schedule', you have to get back on your 'school schedule'." I don't disagree because I am healthiest and most productive.

Psalm 18:2

Recalibrating

Yesterday, I was talking about focusing my energies. Today, begins implementation.

I spent the better part of the day preparing and finding reinforcements for the healthy habits I'm creating. This is about consistency after all. Exciting!

First phase, bed time. Second, phase, working hours. Third, phase diet. Fourth phase, workout. Final phase, repeat.

Also, I'm finding more creative ways of getting my business out there. Here's to more planning, development, and execution.

Psalms 37:7

Inspiration - Trip to Dubai and Being an Entrepreneur

November last year, a friend of mine came to visit NYC with a group of friends. I was so blessed to have dinner with them and to hear some great news. One such piece was of her engagement.

Fast forward a few months later, I find myself in Dubai, UAE. It was my first time traveling to a foreign country alone--although the previous year I went to Mexico (again, for another wedding), but met up and stayed with a group of people I knew. My cousin and her adorable son met me at the airport and helped me get settled in my AirBnB. There was an interesting circumstance here, but long story short, we saw each other one other time before I left, so I don't really count that as "staying in a foreign country with family" (more on this some other time).

As few days before the wedding, I was happy to join the festivities. I had my hands adorned with henna, and I was invited to tea at my friends home. Lovely all around. I loved the company and tea. 

Conversations and customary getting to know you's were had. I found that a few of her friends, professionals in their own right, had businesses. One has a jewelry line and another has a fashion line for bags. This intrigued me.

I found it odd that these lovely women who were established in their respective professions created their own businesses in their spare time. I mean, it's not unheard of, but I began to ponder 'why?'. However, after a while, I supposed that the 'why' didn't really matter. I supposed that they did it because they loved it. I wanted that, too.

In a succinct cultural commentary: being a first generation immigrant--coming to the US at a young age--I have observed that my parents (immigrants themselves) had this mindset, like many overseas workers. The mindset of "getting by". Granted, we came to the US legally because my mother is a professional--others are not as fortunate to have entered with the status and bearing (another topic for another time). 

I've heard other people make apt comments about the "getting by" mindset. Namely, someone mentioned that "Filipinos tell their children to 'study hard' so you can get a job, not 'study hard so you can have your own business'." I've had this in mind for a while, and seeing my friend's friends with their businesses, inspired me.

One of the conversation topics with the friend I visited yesterday was about my job--the job I've yet to actually begin (another story)--or the [current?] lack thereof. I stated that "I don't want to work for anyone else", and with this, she gave me a boggled look. 

Not for nothing, admittedly, I like to shock people. I don't like to be pegged by their preconceived notions. But those who really know me understand my quintessence.

Digressing, for the sake of my future family, my mindset has changed. I don't want to be a part of anyone else's rat-race. I've one life to live and all... 

I wish that my fellow Filipinos can have the confidence and courage to think outside of this 'getting by' mindset. I find it sad that they waste away in a foreign land not feeling the embrace of their loved ones, but especially, growing old without an enriched life. 

Apologies. I had meant for this post to be light and short. More pondering about all this on my end.

Proverbs 31: 24-25

Countdown - Philippines, Shaklee, Weight-loss

Health is wealth--how can I possibly do the work of God set before me if I'm schlubbing around?

A few weeks ago someone asked be about the numbers on the home screen of my phone. The numbers are actually countdown widgets for several dates. The largest number is a countdown for my solo trip to the Philippines. The next is for the days I have left to qualify for a Shaklee incentive trip. Finally, the number to a weight loss goal--not my over all weight loss goal, but an attainable one.

In 37 days I plan to be back to my weight post-graduation. Summer 2014 was the lowest I've weighed since Sophomore year in High School and I want to get back to that. I had ballooned Junior year because there were some personal issues, and that led to an eating disorder. It took me a few years to get out of that, and almost a decade to have a better relationship with food.

Digressing, in 37 days I should fit size 6 jeans again. I just need to focus on sleeping correctly--which I have not in the last two weeks. I need to drink more water; I've not been drinking 4 liters of H2O daily. I need to work out, that's proving hard because I'm not sleeping well. These last few weeks I haven't had a regime to follow and that's bad because I need to be accountable with my time.

My business partner called me up yesterday asking how my Shaklee turn around is going--and while I'm doing what I need to, the last week I didn't have my heart in it. Now, as I write, this is my accountability: I will commit to my turn around. I will commit to my business. I will commit to my teaching. I will commit to being the most kick-butt I can be. I will commit to discipline.

A little tangent: mother and I were doing laundry late last night/this morning and we were talking about how people were getting dreams/visions/encouragements about significant others. I told her, "All I'm getting from God is 'focus on your business'." She agrees, obviously. But out of my mouth comes, "I've got to ascend to a position because if I'm going to marry some powerful, influential guy, I'll have to be influential as well."

Proverbs 31:16-18